baileeey

I think one day at a time might be the best way to approach this. I’ll focus on not smoking or drinking today, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. I believe my dependency is psychological. I have not had alcohol or pot for almost 24 hours. That doesn’t seem like much, but for me its unusual. Aside from mild anxiety and slight cravings I am not experiencing any significant withdrawal symptoms yet. Getting to sleep tonight is going to be the tricky part.

For the past couple of years, I’ve been drinking excessively and smoking marijuana daily, usually until I fall asleep. Occasionally I’ve experimented with other drugs when available, but pot and alcohol are my staples (and its usually both, never one or the other.) It started as a fun, social thing and quickly degraded into a habit that keeps me from the things I want to do.

While I’m still somewhat functioning – still going to classes and doing the minimal amount of work required to pass – it’s definitely holding me back from trying new things, taking my life where I want it to go. It’s keeping me from learning how to face my fears and dealing with lack of confidence and anxiety. It’s a quick distraction, but nothing gets fixed or accomplished. Pot and booze have been my crutch for too long and I think its time to stop making excuses, pick myself out of this rut, and face the music.

I have suffered from clinical depression and anxiety in the past, and took medication for a time. I would prefer to avoid being medicated if possible. Bipolar disorder runs in my family. I feel relatively stable at this time, but I understand I have to be careful. I’ve been looking into meditation, aromatherapy and yoga to help combat the anxiety. I am considering seeing a doctor or therapist to keep myself on track if necessary.

I have many, many goals that smoking and drinking are keeping me from, like losing weight and finding a good career path. I feel that it is definitely a root of many problems for me, and healing this part of my life will radiate into other things and help me grow. =)

November is National Novel Writing Month. The challenge is to pump out 50,000 words by November 30th. What a perfect way to start, no?

http://www.nanowrimo.org

My weight ballooned from around 130 to 172 since freshman year of college. Blame fast food, stress, drinking, the munchies, and inactivity. After a few months of consciously forming healthier habits, I went back down to 150. However, I’ve slacked off for a month and a half. I’ve noticed a little weight is starting to creep back on (around 5 lbs). I want to nip this in the bud and get back to being healthy and losing weight.

My diet plan in a nutshell: I’m drinking only water, tea, and regular coffee. I’m swearing off soda, alcohol, and energy drinks. I’m avoiding candy and snack foods, and using less cheese and oil when I cook. Lots of whole grains and fresh produce. Eating slowly and consciously instead of stuffing my face in front of the TV. One day I week I will allow myself to eat something naughty, because I know that if I restrict too much I will probably break down and binge.

Exercise: I have a bunch of good yoga DVD’s, Wii Fit, My Personal Trainer, etc. When the weather permits, I’ll be riding my bike and walking more. I’m aiming for half an hour a day. I’m going to try to alternate cardio and strength training. I have all the tools, I just need to force myself to get off my ass and use them. Which I am going to do right now. :)