My mood is a bit iffy so I thought I’d attempt to feel a little more positive by concentrating on an achievement…
I was a bit panicked during the week, I felt I fallen off track with my essay and had missed deadlines and tutorials so after focussing on writing and researching for the past week I managed to get 7000 words down! Go me!
At the end of the day, I knew that it wouldnt get done unless I put my mind to it and made a start and now Im not only on track, I actually feel better.
Im going to focus on this goal… till my self esteem improves. Im sure its achievable cause right now I feel its holding me back from so many other things.
Accomplishment. Happiness. Love.
Any negativity from anyone just manifests itself. If I feel like Ive failed at one thing, I feel like a failure in everything.
I need to start being my own best friend. I spend so much time trying to help others feel positive about themselves… its like my own happiness gets drained. Then I spend weeks trying to reestablish my own again- its time to distance myself from these people and people who only want to put me down.
I guess I might be in denial a little bit about just how bad this is and something needs to change. Soon.
I am number one. I am the most important person in my life and I need to start acting like it. No more negativity… Its a wonder how much of an impact positive thinking can have. You mind is such a powerful influence.
So its Valentines Day… A big, red, heart shaped reminder that I’m still single. What makes it sting that little bit more is that on a couple occasions when I’ve spoken on the phone to a guy (met online but havent met) I quite like, he has brought it up. How he’s sending me a card (he doesn’t have my address)... Asking me what my plans are… and now the day is here and we haven’t spoken at all.
Anyway I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up… Well, I don’t even know what I was expecting.