banane

I’m gonna fold this experiment early because I think for a first time, this is the optimal point for me. I could have lasted an extra 1 1/2 day (i think?) but my heart was no longer in it. And to last a week + without food and its anxiety was pretty much the goal of this exercise and so I think I’ll save the home stretch for another time…soon.

K, so i cheated … myself, on the master cleanse with APPLE SAUCE!!! Argh, so close! Major eater remorse in effect right now but i’m just gonna block it out and get back on track for the last 2 days.

Not even sure what happened cause it was totally NOT an impulse thing: i got it, looked at it, thought it over and DECIDED to eat it. I was just sick of the lemonade taste and my only energy coming from the mapple syrup. Last night I was so sick of it that I added salt to the mix just to have a different taste.

Anyways, just thought I’d get it off my chest and truck on.

So half point and i’m torn between counting down the days while fantasizing about eating again and appreciating this journey of emotionally detaching myself from food. This experiment has been extremely liberating and empowering but there s that fear of slipping back into old habits of having to continuously struggle to establish a stress free healthy relationship with food. Moderation and responsibility are key qualities that I need to work on.

Life is so simple now because the “rules” are so clear, I know exactly what i’m supposed to do but when this is over, everyday food choice will be motivated by trying to avoid feeling deprived or guilty. I want to reach that happy medium where I can occasionally indulge sans eater remorse but without being overly self indulgent to the point of not feeling healthy / beautiful.

Um that was really introspective! Ha! My other roommate joined me today in the MC but she’s only doing it for 5 days. If we both stick it out, then we’ll finish together!

Other motivations include some weight loss (7 lbs) although I’m trying to NOT get attached to the new number because I know it might be very temporary cuz of current calorie deficit.

About which, for those reading this and who are NOT doing their first cleanse: what diet did you go on after the cleanse (like wayyyyyy after not just the subsequent days) and if you did loose weight on the cleanse, how much of it did you gain back if any? I’m just a little paranoid that my metabolism is slowing down cause of the low calorie intake since i’m not really exercising (but i wasn’t before the cleanse either).

Thanks peeps for you stories and comments.

One day at a time…