basquette

I’m so freaking tired of spending valuable time sweeping and scrubbing.

... for me, it would seem, is affirmatively, one thought at a time. I can’t seem to be able to decide and have that be enough. It is a moment by moment, thought by thought thing. When a past lover or icky moment comes up to be relived, I will tell it “no, thanks, done with you,” and brush it off for something more constructive. Hopefully, we’ll eventually see a gradual diminishment over time in the frequency of these past-centric thoughts.

It’s out of my league (heh). It’s incredibly hard. It will be exceedingly difficult work, both getting there and working there. It’s lunatic, really.

But it’s been in my heart for four years, ever since 9/11/2001, and it hasn’t gone away. And that kind of staying power deserves at least a little attention. So I’m giving it more – I’m giving it everything I’ve got.

This is a job I can believe in, stand fully behind and commit to, with all of my being. This is what I want to do with my life.

Way back when, it was low. Very low. 98 over 60. Then, it slowly creeped up to 120 or so. Still, good.

Then. THEN. It jacked up to 170. And there it has stayed. I lowered it to 145 for a time through diet, exercise, and meditation, but when we checked it again, it was back up there.

So – accepting there’s not much more I can do than what I’m doing, I have to also accept the fact that I have high blood pressure. I have to take my medication daily (which I’ve been pretty good about). And I have to be even more diligent about the “me” time I carved out in the morning – an hour of yoga, an hour of meditation, 45 minutes of fast walking – and about the new habits I’m creating (affirmative relaxation, frequent office stretch-and-meditate breaks, controlling spikes in temper and mood, no more high-sodium snack foods or sodas).

My goal is to reduce it to 120 again, and get six days of consistent readings in that neighborhood. I think I can do it by Easter.

I’ve started getting up early again and doing a short routine. Want to expand it a bit, and also focus on certain issues (tight hips, specifically) that have been causing me trouble. Also, I want to create a nighttime ritual including a nice tea/ bath/yoga/meditation combination.

... I don’t want to write it. I want to read it. I want to understand it. I want to savor it. But I don’t want to write it.

Giving it up but with a light heart, for this is progress!

If you’re wondering, that hair dryer (the wildly expensive T3, which I got on eBay for less) does in fact do what it claims. It usually takes me a full hour to do my hair. Today? 15 minutes.

Amazing.

I started The Sand Bar Nov. 1 in a futile attempt to do NaNoWriMo. I got to 12,000 words, and gave up because of time constraints. But hey! That’s 12k more words than I’d written in Octobre. So my goal is to finish this up realistically by the end of February 2006.

This is do-able. Then I plan to put it aside for a month, before I take it back out and revise the crap out of it.

I just realized this pain in my wrist has been going on for a long time now – eight months? That’s not right. If it’s not significantly better by New Year’s, I’m going to see someone about it.

I feel pretty focused on what’s remaining. What’s been removed is, by and large, still extant on my Palm as a “someday/maybe” list. This pruning helps me realize I only have so much time in a day, and if progress is defined by consistent, daily movement forward, then I HAVE to be prudent in what I put on this list, for there’s only so much “consistent, daily forward movement” a girl can make and still work full time and be a mom and a wife and walk the dog, you know?

... and now I’m gonna finish it. Therefore, I changed the title of this item to reflect my current goal. :D

... at least not right now. :)

I haven’t been here in forever. I’m reevaluating this stuff again, cutting these things down drastically and keeping some of them as wish list items but offsite. Only the things I’m dead serious about and currently working on will remain. Hallelujah and pass the coffee!

Right now, if I do my whole routine, it takes me – drum roll – 4 hours.

• 30 minutes for writing in journal
• 1 hour for meditation
• 1 hour for walking and yoga
• 1 hour for showering and drying hair (the best opportunity for change)
• 30 minutes for getting dressed, makeup, and eating breakfast

Folks? That means getting up at 3:30 AM. There is NO. WAY.

I’ve been getting up at 4, and I actually like getting up early. I just want to have more time to get ready and do it in a relaxed, nonhurried fashion. So I’m aiming for the following subgoals:

1. Work on getting showered, hair dried, breakfast eaten, and makeup/clothes on in one hour.
2. Figure out if it makes more sense for me to do some of this stuff in “shifts” (i.e., 2 30-minute sessions of meditation a day) or cut down (1 45-minute session).
3. Get this hairdryer that’s supposed to dry hair much more quickly – already ordered
4. Find ways to do some things the night before (lunch prep, clothes selection, etc.)

Goal: Get out the door on time, without being rushed, and without sacrificing needed sleep (at least 7 hours a night).

... is incredibly helpful. it’s becoming a way of life for me now, and that’s the real goal – to have it become second nature.

handling change well is the key to fulfillment and joy, and being able to create it out of whole cloth – lasting, meaningful change – is nothing short of magic. it is neither easy nor is it really simple, but it is worth every moment and every effort.

I’d love to be a genius. I think it would be cool. Until that happens, I have to work hard for my smarts, and am never quite satisfied with the results. I keep working on it, though, using other technologies (GTD, speedreading, Cornell notetaking).

I’ve been working on my job environment in this regard with respect to this “thing” for some time. I try to take an hour each day, during lunch (which usually translates in reality to maybe 3 times a week, 40-50 minutes each session) to read some nonessential work-related article or journal. I’ve learned a lot, and am working on ways to process that info more efficiently and directly, and hold on to it.

I have read a bit about this, and ordered the books on CD (GTD and “Ready for Anything”). I really like the focus on getting stuff out of your head – this is my problem.

A little apprehensive about learning a new technique, but grateful for the resources that are out there. Whatever helps free me up for my life, is a blessing!

I feel that I’ve turned some of these “hey, that might be cool someday” things into goals prematurely, and the net effect is that I’m being diverted (along with precious energy and resources, like time, and thinking power) away from the real goals – like – say becoming financially secure, getting better at my job, and losing weight.

I feel, at some level, as if I’ve been avoiding the real work by living in fantasy land. I feel also that I need to take a hard look at what I can realistically accomplish and what’s best for my daughter and my family, and focus on those things.

I ordered “Getting Things Done” and the subsequently published “ready for anything” by the same author from Amazon, today, on CD so I can listen to it during my commute. I’ve heard nothing but praise for the books and I thought, hey, maybe I can learn some steps to be more productive, which would leave me more time for what Stephen Covey calls the “Quadrant II items” – things that are important, but not urgent, as they relate to my career – keeping up to date on latest case law, theories, concepts, new legal issues, etc.

Exciting!