I had never “dated” before. I got married, when I was 18, to a guy I worked with. We never really went out together. We always met and hung out at my house or his. A year later, I was divorced and avoided men, altogether. Over time, I allowed some of my best male friends, that I had known for several years, into my heart, where they took advantage. I became the female friend it was okay to lead on, sleep with once, and never talk to again. Needless to say, I went back to avoiding men, other than to flirt and walk away unharmed.
In June 2010, I’d convinced myself that I needed to find someone to have a “friends with benefits” relationship. Deep down I knew I couldn’t handle that, but I decided to, anyway. Through one of my only male friends, at the time, I met a wonderful man. Being around him was so easy. I only saw him a couple times, for an hour or two, with our mutual acquaintance. Needless to say, I really didn’t get to talk to him, all that much.
A couple months later, after not seeing him, he walked by and said hello to me, at a local gas station. I couldn’t place where I’d seen him before. Normally, I’m a shy person, but I had to know how I knew him. I walked right up to him and asked where I knew him from, and after that we began meeting up. We would talk from 11pm til daylight, practically every night.
I wanted him. I needed to be around him, to be happy. Foolishly, I decided I was going to make him my “friend with benefits”. Luckily, he wasn’t too keen on the idea, and kept meeting and talking to me instead. For about a month, life got the best of me, and I wasn’t able to see him. I had no idea I could miss someone so much. I didn’t see it for what it was then, but I was falling fast.
In December 2010, I caught him out one night, and we went right back to the way things were before. On January 8, 2011, he met me at my house and we laid in bed and talked for hours. Before he left, he told me he really liked me and that was why he couldn’t do just “benefits”. He thought I wouldn’t be interested in him. Funny how I’d thought the same thing about him, the entire time. He told me he wanted to “lock down” with me, and he would stay as long as I wanted him. In February 2011, he told me he’d been in love with me, but he was afraid of letting himself be.
We continued our routine of meeting at my house and talking, until March rolled around. I told him my birthday was coming up, so we both took the day after my birthday off, from work. He drove me out of state, to a nice restaurant. The whole thing was new to me-the restaurant, the atmosphere-a date. Though I was nervous beforehand, the night was perfect. Everything came natural and nothing was forced. We are still together now, and we’ve had a few more dates, since then. It’s nice to eat out, but for the most-part, I’m alright with just being together, at home.
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