beckilucy

Hello! So I’ve just finished my group therapy – aftercare (which is the thing you do after rehab although i never went to a rehab). I’m SO GLAD it’s over!!!! I quite enjoyed it at the beginning but towards the end i found i couldnt identify with the people at all.

I’m staying at a friends and she’s just gone to the pub. I found myself getting a bit jealous of that. I’ve been through quite a lot of emotional stuff in the past six months and I’m starting to feel better. I found myself thinking ‘maybe I could have just one drink now’. Sigh. I havent’ been to an AA meeting for about a week either and I guess this is the part where you need to be super careful as the old thoughts can come in telling you you are alright now. Which is why I thought I’d drop in to see how everyone is! Glad people are still posting. The demon drink is always waiting it seems..

Peace

I am just over a year with one relapse. I’m not feeling the urge to drink but im addressing all the emotional problems that led me to drinking. GOSH I AM EXHAUSTED! its very tiring all this group therapy and therapy stuff. i know it is good for me but im waking up with huge headaches. im really proud of myself though and im hoping life will get better soon the more i address the emotional stuff. so tired today!!!! i cant believe how much i drank on every little problem and how unaware i was of how i was feeling. i would have drank through it all and pushed all the problems down and forced myself to go out if i was tired..

well done everyone that has even made the step to post on this site.. this was the first step for me … its not easy to get off the roundabout of drinking.. but when you do! keep at it..

how the weekend can seem like so long ago. i forgot about sat night and binging on that bread. everyday i feel like im leanring something new. i have entered ‘aftercare’ now. which is like what you do after you come out of rehab. except i didnt come out of rehab.

so. one year sober – with one relapse – so im counting that as a year – not restarting like they do in AA. anyway – this after care stuff is amazing. AMAZING. so far. because its making me look at all my behaviours. i can see now that in my first year it was all about how to stay off the drink and trying not to drink and as i get better i am noticing WHY i used to drink more. and my bad behaviour too. i guess im actually starting to get really honest with myself. which is proving interesting. dont get me wrong i still struggle. i still have days of denial ‘was i that bad’ ‘have i over anazlysed’... ‘can i go back to normal drinking’.. but I noticie those thoughts and i battle them. i know that really i dont want to go back because i have made so much progress. also i get tested in the house i live in and would lose my accommodation so cant drink. i think that however lonely it gets sometimes that is defo worth it.

i just need to find more hobbies… my old hobbies of festivals and parties just doesnt fit anymore.

keep up the battle. damn – its hard – but however much i moan nothing beats waking up knowing exactly what you did the night before, hydrated, fresh and ready to work on yourself.

keep going. no one said it was going to be easy.