and I still hate and don’t trust men. I know it’s wrong of me to hate all men because of what my ex-boyfriend did to me, but it is so hard not to feel angry and be untrusting, especially when I see so much of his behaviour in other men, even my brothers; disrespect of women, viewing women as nothing but sex objects or domestic slaves, lying, betrayal, cheating. I just can’t believe that men feel it’s okay to treat women like that (or that women do it to men as well).
I’m sure that there are decent men out there, but I just don’t know how to put my trust in anyone again in order to find one. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life but I know how untrusting I am and I don’t want to inflict that on some innocent guy who had nothing to do with my ex being an ass.
Also, as much as I’m worried about how I’ll treat someone else, I’m also worried about how I’ll be treated – I’m afraid that the moment I let my guard down I’ll be handing over the power to be hurt again.
For the moment I’m resigned to being single for life, but wouldn’t life be even more wonderful if I found a good man to share it with – I don’t want to miss out, I don’t want to be afraid, but I also don’t want to be so badly hurt again.