before40

The location – Centre Parcs, Jardin De Sports, Longleat Forest.
I was on holiday, looking at things to do. Centre Parcs is a kind of place where you feel obliged to do some sort of exercise, what with no cars around, loads of bikes & everyone there looking so fit!
So looking down the list, I saw a Yoga class. Eight Pounds for one & a half hours. Sounded to good to be true. Also in the back of my mind i was thinking “Another task off the list”!
So I paid my money & waited for the 24th to come. Just 2 Days to wait.
Arrived on the day not knowing what to expect. Maybe lots of hippie types, lots of women, or lots of people just like me!
In the end, there was one other guy, & about 4 other “Middle Aged” women. I was the only beginner!
I got myself a mat & found a spot on the floor of the aerobics room.
Our teacher, Noelle was I guess your stereotypical Yoga Teacher. Very clam, very bendy & i would say very good at her job
Due to the early start, it was decided that the exercises would all be done lying down. That suited me fine!.
We did lots of stretching exercises, lots of breathing and lots of relaxing.

Without going into too much detail, it lasted one & a half hours, i struggled to match the breathing to the moves, but did feel good afterwards.
Ached a bit the next day, & was a frequent visitor to the loo to clear my bowels.
I purchased a DVD afterwards, & hope to continue the ‘classes’ from home (maybe)!

Took part on June 17th 2007. Trained for 8 months, starting at a measley 3 miles, working up & getting much much fitter until my final practice run the Saturday before at 49 miles!.
On the day i managed to get awat 10 mins before my “Official” start time. Anyone who has done the ride before will know how mad it is at the start!.
The ride is all stop/start until you get out of London. Then it becomes a real joy.
Lots of hills (more down than up!), & lots of places to rest & refresh (although i didn’t).
As much as i wanted to, i didn’t “Beat the Beacon”! – Gutted, but it was the steepest longest hill in the world (Well that’s how it felt after 47 miles!!!).
Got flashed by a speed camera on the way down into Brighton (43 miles an hour). Very emotional at the finish line with all the people cheering.
The time? – 3 hrs 41 mins. – All that training was worth it. (Remember it’s a ride, not a race! – If you decide to go in 2008 remember – Keep left!)

Did some emailing around a few weeks previous to some local ‘irrigation’ specialists, with the set criteria of “availability on a Saturday” & “Can I book more than 1 person”, so my friends could have a go too.
Only two companies replied. Both could do Saturday’s, both rejected “Multiple Sessions” as only one room is available at any one time. So that ruled out the idea that this task would take place with friends. Shame.
(Oh, & It’s called Colonic Hydrotherapy now, not Colonic Irrigation!)

So the date was booked (30/05/2007 12:15 hrs). I enetered the Grove Natural Therapy Centre rather apprehensive, not really knowing what was about to happen next…..

I was met by a male doctor, American, late 50’s. Friendly chap, & i guess that with what was to follow, this was the best person for this procedure.
After running through a description of “What is Colonic Hydrotherapy” & “The Digestive System” it was time to take off the jeans & shoes & lie down on the couch.

Oh My God

So here’s what happens. Firstly you lie on your side & the pants come down (oh the shame of it….)
Then, without a word of warning a finger is inserted into the anus for examination (well, that’s what i was told – & yes he was wearing surgical gloves!)
The good news is that my Prostate gland is fine!. Someone said to me that the prostate check is a bit like a male version of a smear test, only less often. Well, I’m glad I ain’t a women if i need to have that done every few years!

So then onto the proper stuff & within seconds a special instrument is inserted in the same place where the finger had just been (& I can report it wasn’t as painful!)

Then the taps are on & water enters your stomach. A really weird feeling takes over & before you know it I had a real urge to Poo as gravity & the water pressure takes over & my stomach contents are flushed out!
A mirror is carefully positioned so you can see the contens of your stomach take an early exit (& not have to look at the Exact point of exit if you know what I mean..).
For the next 30 minutes my stomach is massaged & i feel the same, constant sensation im my stomach as that of having diarrhoea.
It is so weird having a poo without sitting on a loo!
& then I’m done. The tube comes out & i am wiped clean. The urge to poo is there again now that i’m upright – Fortunatley the toilet is adjacent so i’m straight in (sat down this time) & another 500ml of ‘Brown’ Liquid leaves me for the last time.
I am told that due to my vegetarian diet that all my poo is good poo, no digestive problems or old lingering poo that was stuck.
So, I guess this makes is good reason No. 2 to have a colonic done?

Then it’s straight home & on the scales to see what affect the colonic has on the weight of a person with no poo.
The Answer?

0
Nothing
No Change of weight loss at all

& how do i feel later/the next day? – Dreadful!
But it didn’t help having lots of crisps, fizzy drink & Chinese takeaway on what was quite literallly an empty stomach!