belzeboob

I’ve been smoking for 20 years now, usually averaging about 10 sticks a day. Two years ago, my smoking started escalating to almost one pack a day, probably due to increased stress levels at work and at home. I’m spiraling down to the kind of nicotine craving that gets me up at night to scour the dark nooks and crannies for a stick.

This has got me worried. All the stress combined with difficulty breathing, back pain in the mornings and constant need for a nicotine fix after every activity cannot be good things.

So short of buying “magic” nicotine-inhibiting drugs whose prices are prohibitive anyway, I’ve resorted to buying slim-sized sticks in the interim. I assume a pack of this would be equivalent to half a pack of the normal-sized ones. I plan to limit consumption to 3/4, then half, then eventually a few sticks here and there. There is a desire to prove myself able to control the addiction by myself. If all else fails, there’s always the nicotine-inhibitor pills. Wish me luck.

I’ve found this task – being debt-free – a challenge. I’ve never had to plan my life in a year’s time-frame before, nor even tried seriously.

Living day to day was acceptable when one is young, but never in middle-age. So now that I’m finding myself increasingly anxious to start planning for my future, the more difficult life becomes. Or maybe its because Im now more tuned into how every one of my buck is spent.

Life is finding ways of making me spend more and more. There are lots of must-buys, vacation plans, and occasions to celebrate (and spend for). Arrrgh! Lemme get rid of my debt first, save a lot, and then splurge a little! Thats my mantra for 2008.

Ive paid off two credit cards, the one remaining is my permanent card (need to have one). The balance in the last card is manageable but I wanna see 0 in my bill soon. My bank loan will be finished off in time for my new 4×4 purchase. From one debt into another I know, but this at least will be tangible and not spent on fleeting vacations or worse, dinners that go down in a flush the next day.