benji2010

I’ve been eating healthier (even though it costs more to eat healthy on campus—no time to cook right now, but I’ll bite the bullet for my health!), and I’ve been eating less. I really feel better on less food, and I like actually feeling hungry for a change. And I have healthy snacks in between meals if need be. Actually, I think the high cost of food I mentioned has actually kept me from overeating, to some extent. Not going to the gym so much, either because I’ve been to busy or because I keep sleeping poorly and end up not being able to get up early enough to go. And the roads are bad now so I can’t really cycle to campus unfortunately, otherwise I would be all over that.

So got the eating bit under control, and I’ll get back into the gym hopefully by the end of this week, or early next week at the latest. I don’t weigh myself because if I don’t progress then I feel like I’m not getting anywhere and might not bother anymore. Also, because I’m doing more weight training than cardio these days it might also be a factor of gaining muscle weight… That’s me; I’ll get more physically active as soon as my workload decreases over the couple of weeks. Oh and I found some friends who do cardio at the gym on campus 4 days a week; I’ve never really worked out with friends before, so I’m looking forward to the motivation!

I only fell off the wagon once so far. Personally I think that’s really good because firstly, going cold turkey and then beating yourself up (I said UP not OFF!) about it induces self-loathing, and just plain drives you crazy. Secondly, for me it was a big deal because my big problem is that if I do it once, then I have to do it again, and then I’m totally off the wagon, and really hating myself because I can’t stop, and I feel like crap because it saps all my energy.

I was able to do it once and move on with my life without all the self hate, and I still felt good energy-wise. I haven’t decided yet whether doing it once in a blue moon is a good idea, or if I should abstain completely. Perhaps if I find a girl sometime soon I won’t have to worry about that at all! Having a gf also helps me abstain because I want to save my sexual energy…

So pretty happy with my progress. Of course the best thing of all is having this energy… I feel like I’m in a depressed state when I’m doing it a lot; I’m not talkative, I don’t think clearly, I feel tired… But I’ve been really sharp, witty, and friendly and that’s the greatest gift of all. I wish I could tell people why I seem so different!

going well; one thing I did to start out was stop seeing my computer as a porn machine. I deleted my porn folder and closed website accounts. It was a big step, but so important in identifying that I really do have a problem. It helps that I’ve been so busy, so I haven’t had time for it. I hope that doesn’t mean I’ll fall off the wagon over the holidays, but maybe I’ll be really busy with social stuff… It also helps that because I’ve been so busy I’ve been using my computer for work, school work and entertainment (but only on breaks and after a long day).

So hopefully I can permanently break the association I have with my computer and thinking of it as a porn machine. I’ve been using it for that for easily over 10 years now, so I don’t know how easy that will be. But I do think it’s going well. I’ve purchased porn in a store before, but I’m a little bit shy about it as a lot of people are, so I don’t forsee me doing that. I’m also broke as shite so that will help in that dept!

It was such a huge time waster too! That just occurred to me. :P