bermudamohawk

Yesterday I did a lot of job and self-exploration. As it turns out, maybe I don’t need a complete life overhaul. But maybe I do need something with a bit more accountability and lots of opportunity to travel and get out of the office (changes in scenery help keep me sane!). I also have to realize that the next step doesn’t have to be a forever step; this might make sense for now but maybe in five or 10 years it won’t. Or maybe it will. But I certainly shouldn’t ignore reoccurring ideas, and the stuff up above has been cycling through my head for years.

I came across what appears, at least on paper, to be the ideal next step. I’d say it could be “perfect” but I know better than that. I think I’m qualified, even if I don’t have any experience. The only reason I’m hesitant to apply is because I want this job so badly, I’m afraid my cover letter and resume won’t be good enough to get an interview. I’ve got to find the balance between passionately interested and crazy ;) The other thing I have to realize is that if this doesn’t work out (I mean, my God, I’m just applying, it’s not as if I’ve been offered an interview or a job), at least I’ll be breaking through that barrier and getting this first application out of the way.

Yesterday was mostly a train wreck, with a few redeeming moments. (Can you redeem a train wreck? Ha.) I hit an emotional wall. I made R come pick me up from work an hour early because I couldn’t take it anymore. That was the first of several mini meltdowns that would take place throughout the night.

But I also managed to do a few good-for-me things. I spent a lot of time searching for jobs and thinking seriously about what I want to get out of my next career step, which I’ve written more about here. I also went on an impromptu shopping trip and stocked up on some basics for my wardrobe/upcoming trip. I discovered a new-to-me store and the wonders that come along with dressing for my age and body shape… or maybe just not dressing in too-small jeans and cheap t-shirts.

I think it’s time to return to the list making for today. I mean, this morning isn’t exactly off to a stellar start. (I may have just washed down my acid reflux medication with some iced coffee. Maybe.) But I’ve already made it further than I thought I could. Last night and this morning I agonized over whether I’d survive another day in the office. I started going work from home before 7:30, but it wasn’t until 8:15am that I decided I’d give the office a shot. So far, so good OK. One day – one moment – at a time.

• leave work at 3:30 and leave the guilt behind
• make a Saturday program commitment
• spend 10 minutes meditating
• do a career change worry log
• do a trip planning worry log
• work on my dream job application
• exercise, dammit!
• drink at least 64 oz of water

I came across two inspiring quotes on Facebook this afternoon, both of which fit in nicely with this bootcamp:

“If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.” – Thomas Jefferson

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” – Henry David Thoreau

I’m still not sure what I’m going to do today. I have another 4 1/2 hours in the office and I’m trying to save my energy for my free time, haha. So instead of making a list, I’ll see how the day goes with a little less self-imposed direction (and a little more HP guidance) and reflect on it later.

EDIT, 3:10pm

OOOH, I found one more excellent quote!

“If it’s still in your mind, it is worth taking the risk.” – Paulo Coelho