I have decluttered and cleaned up most of my downstairs and my bedroom. I still have half the house to finish, plus the basement. I have taken at least 20 boxes of stuff to donate to Goodwill, and lots of stuff to recycle/throw away. It is so much easier to clean the house when there is a place to put everything.
After a very long time, I have finally mastered the right grip to have on the pool cue. The other night I was playing and it suddenly happened, and I played much, much better. I think I can cross “learn to play pool” off my list, because I am comfortable enough to play now. I have had this goal on my list forever, and I am so happy to actually be able to say that I can play pool.
Ok, I am at a point where I need to deal with a situation, and don’t know how to get over it. The short story is, I had been called by a person I had worked for in the past and told that a position within the company would be opening up soon, and he wanted me for the job. Basically promised to hire me. So I applied for the job and so far haven’t been called back for a 2nd interview. At the first interview, he basically backtracked on his promise, saying there were a lot more applicants than he thought there would be.
The announcement for who got the job will be Friday, so there are still a few days for me to wait and see, but I am anxious, worried and sad that I might have somehow screwed up a sure thing. My stomach aches and I am jittery and can’t concentrate on anything else. I am getting very worked up over something that may or may not happen. And if I don’t get the job, I will be so mad. But again, I have a few days to wait and see, so how do I stop obsessing over it?
I guess I have finally realized that I don’t know what I would do for a whole month in teh Galapagos Islands. So, this goal gets scrapped so I have room for other goals.
My plan for this week is to create a corner in my house where I have a tabletop fountain, a place for candles, incense, and meaningful trinkets to help me in my quest for spiritual balance in my life. I need to teach myself to be quiet and meditate. I am a person that gets bored very quickly, and I need to do something to make myself be able to sit and BE for awhile, without having to think or do something all the time.
I am pretty good at talking to people when I first meet them, but I never seem to be able to take it to the next level towards friendship. It always seems that if I am in a group of people who are meeting each other for the first time, the other people in the group end up leaving with each others phone numbers, and I don’t. I am not sure what it is about me that doesn’t quite fit in, but I need to overcome whatever it is so I can make new friends.
Just to clarify, the city with the horrible crime is Baltimore, where my husband and I live during the school year. Not Astoria, Oregon, which has almost no crime. Baltimore is scary and icky and I hate it there, but only one more year of school for my Husband and we will never have to be there again. And an update: so far this year, there have been at least 194 murders in Baltimore City. 194 people murdered. In one city. In 8 months. Sad and terrifying.
I managed to get all the way down to the ocean floor (12 feet under) and then had to go back up again. And the second time I tried going under, I sucked in a big mouthful of water, and totally panicked. Which didn’t help me get over my fear of the ocean. But I intend to take some scuba classes that start in a swimming pool, and go from there.
I’ve added several new states to my “been-there” list this summer. Utah, Connecticut, Texas, Missouri, and Colorado. I think I’ve got all the new ones listed, but I’ll have to think about it some more.
I was going to write an entry about how I am packing up my apartment to move, and so have the perfect opportunity to declutter. And then I saw my other posts. So, if I can learn from my mistakes, this time I will be able to declutter while I pack. Or, i will be posting again next week about how I am throwing everything into boxes without even thinking about decluttering. History repeating…..
I have finally gotten rid of almost everything that I don’t wear. There are 3 dresses, (the only 3 I have) that don’t really fit, but I bought them recently and I feel guilty getting rid of them without even wearing them. So I am going to leave them in my closet and stare at them every morning and be reminded that I made 3 bad choices….
I am still having a hard time adjusting to living here, and I have been here almost a year now. This year so far, in Baltimore City, there have been 75 murders. Where I grew up, there was only one murder every year or two in the whole county, and usually it would be a manslaughter/drunk driving case, not a first-degree murder type situation. I am astonished and saddened at the loss of life here.
I still haven’t found a way to make this goal happen. I am still feeling trapped, and I hate that feeling.
I wish I didn’t have to have this goal, but I find myself easily deflated by anything that I perceive to be critical about my body, or anything that praises another persons body when that person’s body is clearly better than mine. My husband called my breasts “floppy” today, and I am totally crushed by this. My breasts are large, but I don’t think Floppy is the way I would describe them! And to make matters worse, I am so sensitive that now, on Saturday night, I don’t want to go out. I just want to hide. I don’t want to be around other women who are dressed to go out. I know I will compare myself to them and just feel like crap. I want to be a stronger person than this.
I signed up for a bellydance class and paid for the entire month of January, so I would be motivated to go. The last class was yesterday, and I didn’t go to ANY! $50 down the drain.
The salsa class was fun, and I’d like to do that again also. I’ve moved all the way across the country from where I was when I started taking classes, so I need to find places to go here.
Close, very close… I got a kiss in the snow, but it was just falling from the tree above us, not really snowing.
This goal goes along with many of my other goals. The main thing I have to do is stop being so afraid in the city that I live in.
Argh. It’s hard to go out and explore my environment when I am constantly afraid of being mugged. I didn’t grow up in a place where crime is common, so it’s a big change to live in a city where not only do people rob other people on the streets, but they often do it with a gun or baseball bat or something else scary. I may be too wimpy to do this goal right away.
It is soooo not as bad as it sounds. It does hurt for a few seconds with each rip, but only for a second, and the results are really worth it. Don’t worry about being embarassed. The waxer is trained and has seen many, many women “down there”. Price isn’t as important as the professionalism and enviornment of the place you are getting it done. On the other hand, my waxer also does nose-hair waxing, which sounds extremely painful and there is no way I would ever do it.
It finally, finally, FINALLY snowed here today. I love snow. It’s so peaceful and pretty, no matter where you are. I can’t wait to get my first kiss from my husband in the snow.
