I'm doing 2 things
I’ll be honest,
Even after loosing 140 pounds, I’m still 60+ pounds from my goal and I still feel like there’s a large void inside of me which can only be filled with food. But that feeling feels half as real to me as it was years ago. I hide my 60+ pounds well because I’m 6’-5” tall and I have 52 inch shoulders. What I can’t hide from is the fact that food has been, and continues to be, the single most time consuming, preoccupying, and emotionally draining thing in my life. Even after loosing so much weight I still get horrible cravings which I know will only end in my unhappiness and self loathing. I ignore them, but they are still there. I still feel like food is a primary source of happiness for me and not just sustenance. I know it is not true though because I know there are so many other things for me to be happy about now. The process of gaining the confidence that I should have to live life happy and in control of myself has been slow but progressive.
My social life is booming and believe it or not that only makes it harder to keep the weight off. Loosing weight is the easy part and keeping it off is the hard part. My love life is better than ever and that seems, more than anything, to be distracting me from food. My mood is more consistent and not so detrimentally influenced by the chemical effects of over eating. My self image is better then I ever thought it would be, and I have made a determination in life that what will make me happiest in life is to be a doctor and to help people live longer. When I weighed 420 pounds that was something I never would have convinced myself that I was capable of doing.
If you feel the type of pain that I have described above and that I describe below, but you feel like you “just want to loose weight”, then you’re not ready to loose weight. Loosing weight is pointless if you’re not determined to keep it off forever. Loosing weight and keeping it off requires a paradigm shift in the mentality you carry around with you all day. That paradigm shift comes in the following form; you end up saying to yourself, “NO MATTER what I have to do to become healthier and live happier, I will make it happen.” Then ask yourself, are you willing to eat only healthy food for 90 percent of your meals for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? Are you willing to admit to yourself that you will be struggling with food FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? Are you willing to participate in that struggle and understand that there is no winning the struggle, there is only the struggle? Are you willing to tell yourself that you will participate in that struggle, and never give up?
If you are, then start your diet now, and I mean right now. Tell yourself, that no matter what the situation is in society, you always have a choice of eating healthy, and just do it. If you start your diet now, you will be one moment closer to more happiness and peace. You will be one moment closer to feeling like you have control of your time and purpose in life instead of blindly eating in front of the television, or eating the equivalent of five meals a day because you can’t help yourself but want to eat something. You will be one day closer to feeling like someone that can be loved by a partner instead of doubting if you will ever find someone who can love who you are over what you are. You will be one moment closer to fully living the one life you get.
Bigjohnshea@yahoo.com
