Rogelio Velasco

I took 3 doses last night. I missed taking three doses again. Then, I came back last night. Hay. I had a different feeling after taking it. I felt like I was being choked or what. Hay. I have this feeling sometimes. It came back again. :(

I have this compulsion that I am trying to beat right now. It started during the Dec. 19, 2011. It was an on and off issue. Well, it was about me trying to clean something. Hay. It is absolutely OCD in nature but I cannot seem to let go. :( Hay.

So, how will this go? Will I be able to let this go? I am sure I will be able to handle this.

I will be seeing my therapist tomorrow. :)

Dear Journal,

I realized i must not rely soley on medications. Day 2 of 60 mg Fluoxetine. :)

It’s my first day to take 3 doses of Fluoxetine. After taking this drug for almost 2 months at elevating doses, I realized that I have somehow improved. Yes, I feel sad sometimes if some thoughts race on my mind, but somehow, I can smile despite them. Is it because my mind is already accustomed? Used to it? Tired? I don’t know.

I realized I must exert more effort with regards to my OCD. Sometimes, no matter how strong I want to be, I still give in to compulsions. Sometimes, I feel so powerless. I have had some issues with regards to contamination (fear of negatively influencing my younger brother due to my bad behavior and thinking that he would go to hell), and doubting my faith. I have already resorted and tried to let go and let God, however, this last resort of mine I doubted. :(

Okay. I am not giving up on this. I will chronicle my battle to recovery.