blastchickbaby

I have really long, almost to my waist, dark brown hair. It is thick and wavy and I get lots of compliments on it.

But I am toying with cutting it super short, like in a pixie cut. I could donate the hair to Locks of Love, and help someone.

I’ve had my hair many lengths, and almost every color but blonde, but I’ve never had it THAT short. I’m afraid my face would look super round, or that I would look ridiculous. It would grow, I know that, but…my hair is such a part of me.

I suppose that sounds extraordinarily silly. But it’s true. When I flirt, I use my hair. I style it as a form of creativity. It is a source of pride. And I hide behind it, I think.

But maybe…

I am wanting to make a change in my life. Things have been unsettled for awhile, and I am slowly working towards certain goals I have set.

But I wonder if cutting my hair couldn’t be some sort of push, some drastic change, that could be a benchmark.

I might not be perfect, but I am worth knowing. I am a good person, with a good heart, and a decent sense of humor. I am fairly intelligent, and can hold my own in a conversation.

So why don’t I have any friends?

Sure, I have aquaintances. But someone I can call when I am feeling down? Someone I can call with exciting news? Someone I can just call up and bitch to about whatever?

Nope. No one.

And for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. I know in some way or another, it is my fault. For one reason or another, I have withdrawn from society to an extent. I need to put myself back out there.

But that is a scary, scary thought.

I will probably never do it, but I have this urge to try ecstasy. I would want to do it in a safe environment with the man I love, and only do it once.

I know it’s illegal, and I don’t do drugs. Haven’t imbibed any mood altering substance other than alcohol for about thirteen years, and haven’t wanted to.

But ecstasy has a draw.