bluebonnet528

weed is the best!

Probably one of the best Italian Operas ever written. Beautiful and amazing. I was in this opera when I was 8yrs old and it pretty much made my love music and performing for the rest of my life. It was imprinted in my brain when I was a kid. I remember all the rehearsal we did in a classroom. All the Italian songs we had to learn rigourously. Finally we go to go to the stage right before Opening night. All the other kids ran into the theatre and looked at it’s beauty. But my Mom put her hand over my eyes, placed me right in the middle of the theatre, and pulled her hands away to reveal an enourmous stage all decorated like a 19th century Italian village complete with falling snow. The theatre was gigantic, two tears of seats. On opening night I remember being behind the stage with butterflies in my stomach. It made me feel high. I could swear that my heart was beating faster, not because I was excited, but because I had found my calling. I know that, even to this day.

So, my whole life has been a series of misfortunate events since I was 16. Family lost all their money, lots of disfunctional Texas trash drama turned me into a 22 year old teenager. I found myself having horrible and long periods of depression where I also became a recluse. Relying on other people to take care of me, I soon became hopeless. But today, somehow, things seem very different. Today I realized that is all behind me. I’m only just starting to except that. And feel comfortable with that. I was hiding away because I thought that my life hadn’t gone the way I wanted it to go and my journey was going to be too hard to take, I thought that my soul and heart couldn’t take it and that I was going to die. But, today I realized that I’m just where I’ve always wanted to be. Minus a little emotional baggage I’m trying to shake off. My future is here and now. I’m a 22 year old woman, I’m intelligent, attractive, musically talented and humble. I also have something that I’ve always wanted in my life. The other half of my soul. He sleeps in the bed next to me at night. I have someone who holds me and I want to hold. And when we embrace it is through the most honest and full of truth parts of ourselves. I believe that place is where we are most connected to our own souls. It is unfathomable to think that others in this world can survive without that. It is like putting your soul in a prison and locking it away forever. But getting back to my point, I live in Hollywood, California and the opportunities are seeping from this citys pores. Love, life and amazing experiences are at every corner in this town full of hedonists…

My dream/plan as a kid was to go to college and start my career, build a life for myself by the time I was 30 and then have kids and settle down. I was bitter for a while because I thought that as I’m 22 and not finished with school, not job experience and no way to put myself through college, I was never going to be able to achieve my dreams. But today I realized that was all an illusion. Nothing is here to hold me back anymore. No more life tradgies for me because it’s my CHOICE now. I can work this next semester. I can start back school again by next spring, apply to CSUN next fall and graduate by the time I’m 25 1/2. I can work for 4.5 years in a hostpital and then open up my practice when I’m 30. That sounds great! But there’s one flaw with this; life usually doesn’t go to plan. In fact, it’s almost certain it wont. How will I compensate for this? By taking one day at a time and looking at it as one step closer to my goal. Also by enjoying everyday I have. Like a warm blanket, I feel wrapped in safety. That gives me so much hope. This is the first time I’ve felt this way probably in my entire life.

By the way, I want to know more about Music Therapy.