bluebutton32

I went and saw a movie last night with my friend. I enjoyed the movie but it usually takes me a while to process to decide whether I actually liked it or not. As we exited the theater she started talking about it and commenting on some special effect used and I just didn’t have a genuine response. This has become a common occurrence in my life and it makes it hard to relate to people. I am a generally opinionated person but my opinions are all so black and white that I act like I don’t need to hear the details to make up my mind. I end up missing out on individual stories because I feel like I’ve heard them all. I’m 23. I need to be more open to people and situations and new things and really realize they’re new and I can ask questions about them and learn and not know what I think.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
22 (I’m 23.. I guess that last birthday just never sank in.)
2.Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Duh.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Okay. This is really two questions. My thoughts for the first part: money, shame, guilt, for other people, social norms, lack of creativity, lack of desire for change, people get comfortable (and being comfortable can be very, very nice), fear of confrontation, and I’m sure more. I think it’s a weighing of pros and cons, both immediately and in the long term. Everything you do, you’re not doing something else and you can’t choose right every time. If you quit your job you have to get a new one and who likes doing that? Sometimes its easier to be comfortable in a job you hate that stressed out for months while looking for something else.
For the second part I think people like things they don’t do because they don’t know any better. Things are almost always portrayed in the best light – there is no learning curve, there is no guilt involved in spending so much money, you won’t get dirty. Also, it’s fun to like things and have things you want to do and dream about what your life could be like.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
I hope so. I change my mind all the time. I have told my mother about my plans to do more than I ever possibly could and more than I will actually ever want to do. Sometimes it’s nice to be comfortable and stable. But, its always fun to dream.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
Fighting. Let’s all just use our words from now on.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Napping outside. No, laying outside. In the sun. On the ground. Sometimes napping, sometimes reading, sometimes conversing, sometimes crocheting, sometimes writing. I understand this isn’t a job at all, so if I had to pick an actual career path it would involve working (data collection?) outside and making maps inside.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?)
Believe in? I don’t know, but I am happy with what I am doing and I wouldn’t say I’m settling at all. I don’t think I’m necessarily doing the best or most perfect thing for me but I think I’m doing the best thing for me considering the opportunities I have and my opinions of them.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
The exact same.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
89%. School aside (although I know not completely) everything I have done has been my choice. I’m young, though, so how much have I really done aside from school?
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing the right things. But I think I’m going to try to start working on doing things right more.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
Get really quiet.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
I wouldn’t. People learn on their own. But, okay, I guess my advice would be to emote as much as possible. And to never lie.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Yeah.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
No.

My job usually emails me my schedule on Thursday night for the following week (starting Sunday). They sometimes are a little late and get it out on Friday, so when I didn’t get my schedule on Thursday I figured it was coming and drove the hour and a half home for Christmas. Well, I didn’t get it Friday. We were closed on Saturday. I didn’t know if I had to work Sunday or not, but since I hadn’t heard anything I would assume I didn’t and check it out that day. Well, I get a call this morning (Sunday) at 10:45 asking about my shift that started at 10:30. I freaked out, cried, called my mom who yelled at me, and eventually got ready and went to work. I was there by 11:30, checked my schedule only to realize today is the only time I’m scheduled this week. So, I put in my two weeks notice.

(And, okay, I know quitting my job is not necessarily the most proactive thing, but my job has been causing me nothing but unhappiness and they give me so few hours it can hardly be considered lucrative. Now I have everyday to look for a better job because three hour chunks in the middle of every other day aren’t taken out of my life.)

I know that I’m a good worker. I went back to this job because I liked it. I had thought it was a good experience, and I liked the people I worked with. I hate it. My managers throw me around, aren’t nice, and just don’t respect their employees. I sometimes can’t believe the things people put up with just because “that’s the way they are”.. I mean, hello car insurance?

I hate that I’m going through this time in my life where I have to realize people aren’t good and the systems in place are evil and people don’t care and there’s nothing I can do about it.