blueeyesshineforyou

A year from now, I should going to france to au pair for 8 months… I’M SO EXCITED!!!

so—this is the deal: I hate to feel taken advantage of. I’m the 3rd of 4, and i always feel like if i give a little, people will take alot. I think I’ve had issues with this my entire life, but it has only recently severely affected my relationships with ppl. I also feel guilty at almost the drop of a hat. Put these things together, and it completely rip apart a person’s ability to relax. It a vicious cycle: I don’t want to be taken advantage of, so I’m harsh with my loved ones, and then I feel terrible for it and then I don’t want to engage in any sort of actvities with them b/c i feel badly. When I went home for this past christmas break, my parents told me I was cold and ungiving, which crushed me. I’ve always felt like I’ve given so much to them and after attempting to defend myself, it dawned on me that it was true. As my mother said, (in many cases), I “have to have my way” and cannot simply do a task without explaining why I will or will not do it. It was in this moment that I’ve realized I can no longer hide under the cool title of “laid-back” and it kills me. I want to be more relaxed ad not so nervous.