blueriverblues

I believed, I really thought I could do it. I believed in marriage, in settling down, looking at that face for the rest of my life. No matter what went wrong, I still ended up an orphan. Not that this is a pity party, i did this to myself, became a recluse. I still mostly want to be left alone, even though i can be momentarily persuaded by a pretty face. I am rude, sarcastic, callus, and I make fun of anyone I speak to. I will tell you your music sucks, your clothes are ugly, you have no imagination, and anything I can think of that makes me laugh. I stopped caring about everything since love failed me or better it feels like I failed at love. 5 years i tried to make someone else happy, not me and now I’m bitter and mad that guess what? I have nothing, know nothing, and no motivation to improve any of this. I am a functioning alcoholic. I am self destructive. I am very grateful and humbled by those that love me and understand. They just want me to be safe and happy. I can tell you what I don’t want but I don’t know what to do from here. thank you