blurred on 43 Things

Kind of feel like a bug that has just hit a windshield. I know that if I call James it will not be pretty. Oftentimes our conversations just made me feel like SHIT but, I feel like I need to know that it is truly over so that I can get on with my life. I guess I am just a glutton for punishment and, it gives me a perverse pleasure pouring salt into my wounds.

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get over him (read all 7 entries…)

Untitled 2 days ago

Apparently, I got over one, just in time so that I can get over another! Ha! Life is funny.

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Be happy without being in love. (read all 7 entries…)

Limbo 2 days ago

Just to be sure that I was using the appropriate word I looked up the definition and it fits: “a place or state of oblivion to which persons or things are regarded as being relegated when cast aside, forgotten, past, or out of date”.

The fat lady hasn’t sung yet but, the train has already left. Well, James left Hawaii and with that action the relationship ended. He closed the chapter on Hawaii and moved on and I wish I could be as uncaring and thoughtless as him. I was even willing to visit him in FL to continue our relationship or at least to see where it would lead to but…I ended up cancelling my reservations.

And, it is hard to start dating again (I hate that word, what am I a teenager??) when my heart still loves James and hopes for “happily ever after”. I wish I could just forget about him and stop waiting for a phone call or an email that I know I will never get. I know I don’t want to get back on that rollercoaster ride again, but I keep thinking of the good times (even when there were so many more bad times) and then I get so sad. It is so depressing and pathetic to be holding on.

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Home:	Maui, Hawai'i
Member since:	Jan 18, 2006

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