bohogypsy

I’m going to try to put a stop to the unnecessary expenses just to make my money last longer. I think the turning point for me was when a couple of weeks ago I got an $1800 dollar paycheck on Friday and was nearly broke by Monday. Granted more than half of that went to rent and fixing the auto, but still! Anyways, I work little during the summer, so my main source of income will go to rent, but whatever money I do acquire…from spouse, small jobs, stimulus, etc… I will try to stretch out as much as possible. I need to cut back on the unnecessary spending. Things like…

1.) bottled water…I mean really…start refilling with tap!
2.) eating out…nearly every day…this is going to be real hard cuz I love Thai take out! We eat out ALOT even though we have food at home.
3.) stop renting movies…because that automatically means five dollars worth of snacks, too!
4.) going into stores that I really don’t need to like Target or World Market. Who has ever really needed ANYTHING from World Market!

This is good. Now I only wish I had money if only not to spend it!

Yay! I’m on the graduating list! I am officially done with my thesis! I had a little conversation with the dean last week and he said that my thesis is very interesting and that I did a good job! Finally, some affirmation that what I’ve been working on for so long came together rather nicely. I have to thank all of you on this board who shared in my frustrations. You guys made me feel not so alone in this. I wish each and every one of you the strength, determination, and above all the motivation to complete this task.

I didn’t do a whole lot in March other than move and finish the final draft of my thesis and have my defense. But my thesis has been a part of my life for the past two years and was consuming me—draining me to the point of depression. Now with that out of the way, I can work on my other goals. You could imagine my happiness when I realized that I can actually start reading books again just because I want to. Oh, and my husband and I bought a bike-a two-seater! I had my first bike ride ever!!!!

I had my defense last week (a pass!) and turned in the final draft yesterday to the dean. I had to do some extensive revisioning. But I’m not out to celebrate yet. I’m waiting on the signatures. There are so many times I wanted to quit in the past week alone. I kept second-guessing myself. Did I support my argument? Do I even really know my argument? I know I could do this better…maybe I should put it off for one more semester. But I kept pushing myself even though I felt so close, yet so far. And the little things frustrated me to no end like format and pagination. So now I’m stuck in limbo where all I feel is indifference. I think that’s all I’ve ever felt for a long time. But I guess I should be proud of myself that I made it this far and refuse to give up.

What was so great about February?

Stopped with the self-pity and depression and started working towards a better me. You know…getting up earlier, exercising more, expressing more interest to socialize at work…

Got a grasp on my thesis, which has been been mindfucking me for two years now, and started revising it where it actually makes sense.

Found a new apartment, so we’re changing our living situation which has been driving us crazynuts this past year.

I’m optimistic about March, even though I will spend quite some time working on meeting the “If you want to graduate this semester, you need to get a move on it” deadline.” But, we’re moving into our new apt. this weekend. We have Spring Break coming up, so it’s about that time for a small getaway, and I’m working on achieving harmony and balance in my life. Getting in tune with nature and all that. I’m working on it. There’s a natural preserve not too far from our place with hiking trails and everything. We’re signing up for membership next weekend. :)

I haven’t been on here for about a month, because I was just simply way too tired of thinking about what I should be doing versus getting it done. Three weeks ago I hit rock bottom. It was not a good place to say the least. Then, I just had enough. I wanted my life back! I started reading more on the theory, which I didn’t even have a full grasp on before. Then, I started writing. I ended up rewriting most of my analysis chapters. As I was doing more research I came upon a thesis that was applying the same theory in the same context, but using different subjects. I read the analysis and that made it even clearer to me what I should be doing. I hope that’s not considered wrong? Needless to say, I turned in a draft yesterday to be reviewed by my committee. It’s by no means any level of great, though. I should be receiving some feedback within a couple of weeks. I thought I wasn’t going to make it, but managed to tie in all the paragraphs. I have some more things I want to add and revise, but atleast I made their draft deadline. Now it’s get their feedback, make the appropriate changes, schedule and hold the defense, and submit it to the dean. All by April 1st. I don’t know if that’s plausible anymore, but atleast I’ve been able to pull myself up out of the darkness. Something that, no matter how much support from family and friends, you can only do yourself.

Okay, so simplify!!! I think my problem is I’m trying to analyze my subject from THREE different angles. What the hell is up with that? There is a reason the word, ANAL, is in the word analyze. That is, to do something to death, but it still smells like ass. I will ditch the one that I can’t find research on enough to support. That takes away maybe five pages out of the whole thing, but I’m going for clarification not thickness.

Just this past week I started practicing a vegan diet. I’m a vegetarian, but mind you, that doesn’t always mean you eat healthy. Being a vegan certainly helps you be more conscious and selective of the foods you put in your body. I don’t know if this will be a forever-type thing, but that’s not the point. The goal is to learn how to eat healthier and reduce the amount of cheese and dairy I consume.

Then, I joined a gym with my sister. I am helping her as well as myself. She needs a lot of direction as far as her lifestyle habits. It’s going to be hard. Last night after an hour and a half of a good workout at the gym, she came home and ate a slice of pizza. But, I’m not going to give up on her.

And my husband and I celebrated our eleventh year anniversary and we both got a year older. I am so thankful I am growing older with him!

Oh, and I started making plans for us to backpack in Europe this summer! It seems all I’ve done these past few years is pine for it and not do anything to help make it happen. But, I am going to make it happen. This year!!!

Went from living on a truck with my husband while we were traveling cross-country to teaching college and becoming financially independent. Yay me because each experience has taught me so much about myself.

I made the transition from student to teacher last semester. I was kind of nervous in the beginning as to the expectations my college would have as far as dress. I underestimated them. I am comfortable in jeans, sneakers, and t-shirts. That’s who I am. It makes me feel confident. To hell with skirts and flats…

To live in a flat, teach college, read literature, re-awaken the writer within me, and love one another like the many lovers who walked the Thames before us.

This will happen someday in my lifetime!!!!

I just broke down reading all of the entries for this goal. I’m so fucking tired. I love my subject, but I just hate that my thoughts are all over the place. I hate that I haven’t been enjoying life much since I started this. It’s like always in back of my mind. This is hell, people! Oh, it’s going to be worth doing, but only when it’s done!!

Just got the book and I think that such a diet/lifestyle of eating organic and vegan and exercising regulary will help me not only be healthier, but happier and have a more positive outlook. I’ve been a vegetarian for seven years already, so that helps.

Starting tonight, I’m going to go to sleep by eleven and wake up by eight. Sounds a little off, but I usually don’t go to sleep until 1 or 2 in the morning and don’t get up til 11 in the afternoon. I work in the evening, so that doesn’t help much. But, if I got up early, ate a good breakfast, and dragged my ass to campus by eleven then maybe I would actually get my thesis done and prepare better lectures for work. This is going to be hard because I’ve pretty much been the living dead for almost a year now.