I'm doing 3 things
so ill write..
what im feeling..
talk back..
please? .
Years? Months? Days? Minutes? Seconds.?
I dont know.
I never know.
My life consists of nothing but,
Let downs.
And thats only because i dwell on the negative.
All the time.
for example
“i want to never touch food again in my life”
“hahaha like that will happen i live with my fucking mom who watches me 24-7”
i could still do it.
i can do anything.
but we always think about the things that are holding us back so we give up.
Its called the “LAW OF ATTRACTION”
everything you me and him and her have in our lives either we wanted it or not.
negative or positive.
we have attracted.
I love CERTAIN people.
and let them know it.
i attract people.
its not as good for me as it would be for you.
considering i get hurt no matter what.
but i never let anything grow out of it.
cuz im always thinking about the negative things that could happen.
i cant stand to think about hurting someone else,
or getting hurt in the end.
it happens most of the time.
i think you brave fucks
who can literally give up food with no hesitation.
are amazing.
teach me something.
but mainly
this isnt about a person.
someone i care about alot.
i just want to be able to see myself and see perfection.
im afraid though.. that even whnei hit “perfection”
ill still be as unhappy as i am now .
and the fact that i have been threw this before.
hurts.
cuz i know it COULD happen,
and would happen if i applied myself.
lets see now.
pressure.
im really not good under pressure,
and you dont even have to be applying it.
i do it myself.
my minds made up with a bunch of patterns that i cant erase.
im fucking nervous/ scared
ABOUT EVERYTHING.
lets see you walk around with nothing but worry going threw you’re mind all day long.
i just want it to stop.
i just want
i just want.
but i cant have.
but i can?
i dont get it.
Someone want to tell me how my life works.
Or how its sopposed to.
cuz im getting confused here.
what the hell am i doing now.
what am i sopposed to do.
where am i going.
atleaste let me know so i can be prepared.
cuz im crashing.
and im crashing fast.
Im trying to always be possitive and believe in myself that i can achieve anything i put my mind too.
but its not getting easier.
and i know .
its not sopposed too.
im just supposed to work hard.
thats life,
things dont come easy.
I guess i have to except that.
i think im just holding on cuz i do think.
that maybe..
things would change.
cuz i know they can.
they have for me before.
but i need to apply myself.
and lately i’ve gotten alittle tired.
stressed.
stuff like that.
i need you
i need someone to give me the chance..
to tell me i CAN do it.
i know that…
im just trying to tell myself..
that im not a peice of shit.
and that i wont hurt anyone.
and i wont be hurt.
and nothing bad will happen
and it could possibly be the best thing to ever happen in the next few years.
its always possible.
if you live you’re life everyday as if you already have what you want.
but be thankfull for what you have.
things will come to you.
and you will come to them.
imagination is the root to success.
if you can picture yourself being 80 pounds at 5’7.
you can.
its up to you.
its up to me.
attract.
what you wish.
this is what i wish for.
And try you’re fucking best never to think about what you dont want.
cuz it comes right to you.
happens around you.
and becomes you.
look at me.
i cant have whats right infront of my face.
and its my fault…
that hurts.
i know this is all i want right now..
i need this..
i just need to tell myself i can do this
<3.
