brooster

1. Getting something else unpleasant done. Let it be over now.
2. I was so impressed by someone that I wanted to hug them.
3. I have been officially crowned ‘the person least likely to deface the office notice board with silly drawings’. As the only person not suspected of the ‘crime’ by anybody, I did feel slightly guilty laughing at their unreasonably high opinion of me. It was me of course. But you knew that, didn’t you :-D

1. I played football last night for the first time in ages and aside from the fact I’m no longer the swaggering genius that I (ahem) once was, it was still pretty good. Sore today.
2. I’m grateful that a very ace colleague took time away from her very busy schedule to help me out. A lot.
3. I never expected this moment to arrive, but it is finally the weekend. It really is you know.

This was supposed to be a whimsical goal where I could stick utterly irrational dislikes and over-react wildly to them for my own amusement. And so far I have, but I think I’m going to get something real off my chest this time.

I’ve been a bit quiet at times recently and I’ve not really been able to work out what’s up, but I know now. After an attritional 18 months at work I’ve barely received a word of thanks from my boss. I can’t be bothered with a detailed explanation, but I’m just exhausted from all that with barely a word of praise or encouragement (if praise isn’t deserved). At the risk of sounding like a child who wants a treat for eating all his greens, I need something to insulate me against all the negative stuff that I inevitably hear as part of my role.

I’m sure we’ve all done something cool that we couldn’t wait to tell someone, only to find them eager to point out how you could have done it better – well I’m f*cking bored with it. Give me constructive feedback after you’ve told me how f@cking awesome I am. I give myself such a hard time if I don’t feel I’m doing as well as I should and if my manager isn’t telling me I’m doing a good job, then I assume I’m not. He’s actually a genuinely good person, my manager, but he admits he’s not very good at ‘people’ stuff (respect to him for being honest). I know it’s only words and I shouldn’t place such importance on it but it’s really ground me down. I just feel a bit unsure of myself now, whereas I’ve not really been like that before. Am I doing a good job or not!?

I know there’s worse things (someone I’ve read on here seems to be going through something 100-times worse at their workplace) and certain things have really improved recently. But if not receiving a metaphorical lollipop for my efforts gets to me this much, perhaps I need a job more suited to my delicate sensibilities. One where I don’t have to keep a team of people happy at the same time as keeping to budgets and delivering results etc. I actually do like my job and I’ve no idea what else I could do though. I just need to do something positive.

Wow, what a lot of rambliness. That’ll do for now.

So…’not-giving-me-praise-or-encouragement-(if-actual-praise-isn’t-warranted)’...off into Room 101 with you. I’m not wholly confident that even the thick-walled underground bunker that is 101 can hold it, but here’s hoping ;-)

Ooh, perhaps it’s working already; I’ve mentioned elsewhere that I got a really lovely e-mail which means a lot. Now it’s my manager’s turn…