brownrat

I don’t know till the morrow
i hope it is less than the present
e

Tuesday meeting with the publishers… Tuesday WOW
I have t have faith that all goes well
E

There is a moment where the pain subsides and freedom is granted, where eacha nd every breath no longer pains and one can sit for a while in peace and laugh at the very though of oneself… I am there right now. I have just ended the bad spell which has come time and again through out this quest to deal with sobriety and place the drink down. You see there is something that gripps you more than the last bourbon and it is the fear that you are not enought this world is ot enough everything will never be enough and as the hole grows you die slowly. I never drank because it was fun… i never drank because i was an out of control partier… i partied out of control because i was scared that when the music stop that is where i would begin, this flimsy excuse for a human being so loud that you couldn’t hear her internal scream so scared that her shallow breath could only be heard in empty rooms and lonely halls. I never wanted to meet her… and i have been every day… and that fear of what i have found full and bare in the mirror has made me cry… but it lessens every day booze is foresaken for another option and all i want is that day at a time to be one day more