buffynchip

This was one of the things I remember most about being young. Every year our whole school would do this. Included on the wish card was our name, school address. Sometimes we would get postcards from all over telling us that our wish was found. It was really neat. One time my wish was found all the way In Yosemite National Forest at the base of a tree on a hiking trail. It traveled all that way and the man that found it wrote to me to tell me all about it and his trip and what it meant for him to find such a little treasure! He said it made him smile to read my note. I’m glad that it did!

I am having some problems. I am hoping that putting them out here will help me to better understand them. I am trying to figure out why I have such a hard time making and keeping friends. I know how to be a good friend. I listen, I talk, I offer support, I make myself available to others. At first I am shy, but I always have a smile and a hello for people. I’m just not sure if it’s me or everyone else. The friends I do make are usually safe or completely toxic for me. The ones I do want to make I feel like I just can’t connect with them. At school I feel like the outsider. I try to go talk to them, I smile, I am friendly, but I just can’t get in. If I am standing alone, they don’t come up to me and say hi and start conversation…they stand alone and wait until one of their “Clan” gets there. Even If I smaile and say hi. I just don’t get it. I have been hurt in the past and I know I have trust issues. I have tried to knock down those walls. I just don’t know what to do. I am so lonely. I want to be accepted, I want to have a friend I can turn to and vice-versa. What am I doing wrong? Why don’t I fit in? I’m like everyone else. Is it just my insecurity? Should I just give up and accept life the way it is? It seems even harder as an adult to make friends. Why is that? I have never really had a Best Friend…not a true one. The few times I thought I had one, turns out they were using me, stabbing me in the back or just “grew out” of me. Does anyone have any advice? What can I do to make myself an easier person to be friends with. I can’t think of nything I haven’t tried. But I’m all ears at this point. I can’t get any lonlier, or can I?