Tamsin

I might give up on this goal. Should you have to try to stay in love? I’m not so sure nowadays. I’ve rolled with enough of the punches of this relationship, so now I think I might prefer just to… See how it goes, or something. I’ve come to the conclusion finally, that much as I love this person, if it ends, it’ll be for the right reasons, I will have done my very best, and most importantly of all: I will be okay.

This is a new addition to my list. I noticed a few options on the ‘ex’ list; one of which was to get back with them, and for a moment I wanted to add that one instead.

I’ll tell you a bit about her. I’d liked her for 2 years in school, without knowing she was into women (D’OH!). I moved away to come to University, and after I think my first year, we got to know each other through mutual friends, and became friends. It wasn’t too long before we were seeing each other. I think I was in love with her from the word “go”. She has these incredible mesmeric eyes, and a mind so complicated you could fall in there and drown, but something about her just pulled me in.

Just 2 months in, and she got too drunk one night and slept with her ex while we were both back at Uni. She called me the next day, her voice full of self-loathing, to tell me. Crushingly, she was due to come and visit me that very week; I’d been looking forward to it more than I know how to describe. I still wanted her to come, I wanted to tell her it was alright, it didn’t matter – I just couldn’t bear to lose her. But she wouldn’t have it, and she broke up with me as punishment to herself. I was so infatuiated, I couldn’t have done it myself.

And bizzarely, I’ve never got over her. Something about us having such little time together after over 2 years of waiting… How our time was ended so abruptly and stupidly, and how to this day she still has a hold on me. I’m with someone ese, and have been for 2 years. They helped breathe life back in to me and heal my shattered heart… And yet insanely, masochistically, a part of me still and I think always will desire her. Even her smell is fresh in my mind, though not on my pillow. If I break up with my current partner then I’ve decided I’m going to tell her how I feel. I don’t hope to achieve anything any more, but I need perhaps, some closure. It’s true that some people just get to you; sadly, they tend to be the ones who got away.

Here’s a before picture, so you can see how they’ve come along =D