I am utterly without tact, and as I’ve grown up with this habit, this trait seems both the hardest to acknowledge and the hardest to change. When I’m called out on my inability to process thought before I speak, my reaction is never to look forward to the progress which I could make if only I should in actuality think before I speak. Instead, I just become convinced that I am a horrid person and that logically any and all other individuals should never choose to associate themselves with such an abomination. I isolate myself and I demean myself; the problem is forever perpetuated and I don’t know how to get out.
Apr 18, 2008, 10:15PM PDT | 0 comments
Is it because I think that I’m undeserving of being in a relationship in which I am, in fact, loved? Why do fights start so often, and why can’t I let details roll off of my shoulders? I can’t let go of anything. Everything has a meaning and therefore every last detail has a consequence; a derivative plot which is always ultimately working against me. Why do I always feel that I must inevitably pale in comparison to his past, to the sordid ghosts? Some which are so much more present than I would ever dare to consider (or else go crazy). I don’t know if I’m cut out to ever be in a functional relationship. Maybe not. I hope so badly that I may be able to one day.
Apr 18, 2008, 10:06PM PDT | 0 comments
I'm doing 40 things
