cadawaca

To date, I’ve read 104 books, which means I’m a little behind on my goal. Well, I had to paint the dining room. I mean, really, it’s just bad. :-)

Oh, all right, I had other things I had to do, too. Like spend time with my son and other family and friends, and do some research (you don’t always finish books when you’re researching, you know), and write some songs or finish others…hey, I’m a busy gal. But still, 100+ books in a year is nothing to sneeze at, right?

You know, this was a serious goal for me when I added it to my to-do list here. So, I went at this logically (as is my wont) and joined an online community of singles who are looking (http://www.plentyoffish.com/ if you must know), and had some success meeting men. Went out a couple of times, talked with several nice men, online and off.

And then, wham! Discovered that I’m in love with one of my closest friends. We have one of the most complicated relationships ever, and I won’t go into that cuz, you know, TMI. But there is a small problem…I don’t want to just fall in love; I want someone to love me back, ya know? I mean, doesn’t everyone??? And he’s in love with a long-time on-and-off again girlfriend (they’re currently off).

For a while, I tried to date other men and keep him as a friend, too, but it was just too much for me, emotionally. I honestly felt like I was cheating on him, or maybe that I wasn’t being true to myself. Either way, it just felt wrong. So, I’ve laid off the dating for now. Maybe when I sort this all out, I can give it another shot. I know it’s absolutely not healthy to hang onto any kind of hope that this friend will ever change his mind (that would be unrealistic). Still, he’s been a good friend and I want him to be a part of my life.

So, I just have to get over this….

Ha! Pretty funny, huh? Who’da ever thunk that plain ol’ love for him would turn into romantic love???

Hmm. Well, the songwriting is coming along nicely. Been writing a new song….well, I’ve written about eight really solid songs in the past couple of months. It feels great to be working like that again!

I even found the courage (which took a lot, believe me!) to put some of those recordings online. So, I now officially have a music page on MySpace. Ok, it’s not much, but it gets my work out there.

Bad news is, the computer holding all our original mixes crashed. That’s not such a bad thing for me (I was going to re-work everything anyway), but my Dad and one of our writing buddies were in the middle of recording tracks on a couple of songs, and all that work was lost. Hopefully someone (who knows something about puters) can retrieve that work, but until the computer’s fixed, they’re in a bit of a bind where those particular songs are concerned. Urgh. So glad I had already pulled most of my stuff off!