caja4ever

i don’t cut because i want to die, well that is how it was at first. now it is like an urge to cut, i have to and if i go without for a longtime, when i finally have the chance to cut, the cuts are longer, deeper because of the time that has gone bye. at school i am like the caretaker i help everyone with their problems and it gest stressed out and this is a way of realsing all the pain that i have taken in from the ones i love, i know i shouldn’t do it and i know that it scars but its like an urge like sex i guess, i cant’ live with out for some reason. but when i tell my frineds this they want me to stop and i can’t they have even threated to not be freinds with em. the one person that i thought would understand my bestfriend told me he would leave and i want to stop because i lvoe him but how?

i want this for the same reason to be a different. people treat you different when you are big then they do if you are skinny and its not a good different they think you can’t do the same things. i just want to be like the others girls is that so bad

i want to find love, here i am at 16 and i haven’t had that love story. you know in high school you have your high school sweetheart well i don’t have that. i want something like that and it makes me sad that i don’t have that. i just want to find love. andi can’t tell my guy frineds this because they will just look at me because i am suppose to be one of the guys, not the girl that wants love