yay its sooo pretty!! :D
well it wasn’t really how I pictured it to be. I mean the rain wasn’t really pouring down like in movies.. It was just like a normal kiss and then you got wet.. uhm okay that came out totally wrong.. Your HAIR got wet, by the rain. haha.
I’m the kind of person who always want things MY WAY; I know it’s immature, I mean I ain’t a kid anymore but I just can’t help it and it drives me crazy. like today, I asked my dad if i could go to a country some hours away with 2 friends AND HER MOM to do some shopping and have fun during the holidays and without a doubt he goes: NO U CAN’T. and when I ask why he’s like I dont wanna talk about it.. that my friends, is how you make me go wild. haha. I’ll try to respect my parents though because I know they do what they do for my own good, hopefully someday I’ll understand that, prolly if i get kids myself. but seriously, they do so much for me.. and they love me no matter what.. I love them too but i dont show it much.
that will have to change before everything else start changing, i mean i won’t have them around forever.. sad as that sounds :( it’s true. and i’ll graduate in a year so then i won’t see them a lot anymore :o OMG i gotta become an angel. BYE
I haven’t slept at all tonight (because it was newyears yday and i was so hungover i slept all day) hrm. but now to the point, i stayed up all night because i couldn’t sleep.. and as always, i thought way too much.. i looked at my pictures on facebook and i started thinking/analyzing about the way i look.. and as always i started thinking how ugly i am, because i always do that. what ever i do, even if i’m all done ready to go out, i feel ugly. there are a few sunny moments when i don’t and i thank god for that because they are wonderful.. but they are way too few. to be frank no one has EVER called me ugly okay, once? when i was like 12 years old, it was night and a random guy came up to me and said ur ugly and he himself looked like a dirtbag.. can’t believe i even remembered that? but the thing is i dont look like i did when i was 12 and he couldnt even see me? what ever. the point i’m trying to make is that i’m sick of all this. I’m sick of waking up in the morning thinking how ugly I am, talking down to myself till it gets to a point where i dont even wanna live anymore, I’m sick of comparing myself to all of my gorgeous friends, I’m sick of always worrying about what others think of me.. every second, every minute ” does he think i look ugly? ” why did he look at me like that. blabla so the list goes on! i’m sick of feeling weak and most of all I’m sick of not beliving people when they say ” you’re beautiful” simply because, i don’t not think i am myself.
So i’ve decided that from today on, this will all change. I am not allowed to tell myself that I’m ugly, I’m not allowed to complain on the way I look, the only thing i’m allowed to do when standing infront of a mirror is foccusing on my good features and telling myself that I AM BEAUTIFUL. From today on I will not care about what other people think and i will not think that i know what people think looking at what expressions they’re making, i simply just won’t care about what others say/think because I am strong enough to decide for my own. From today on i will work on my confidence because I believe that beauty is within you and if you love yourself, people will see that and it will make you shine. From today on, i will be positive about myself and the way I look because I am beautiful. PUH. first time I ever said that and It’s not about if I’m pretty or ugly, i’m here for a reason and beauty is not it so i just wont foccus on it no more. It’s a new year so cheers to new ways! :) good night haha.
I’m sick of everyone saying “don’t search for love, it will come when you least expect it..” well, I’m 17 years old and it hasn’t. Sure I’ve had flings and I’ve been in love, but I’ve never had a REAL long lasting relationship, I’ve never loved anyone. I’m sick of senseless hook ups, flings and flirting.. I’ve had my fun and sure, it’s fun but I want someone to call my own. I want someone to cuddle with, have fun with, be lazy with and just be with, I want a boy friend who loves and cheerish ME <3