cancerfree2003

I know it’s there it’s just been awfully dark lately. I must pick myself up again and find strength to keep fighting and to find the “life” in me again

I have two tattoo’s on my right ankle. On the inside is a sea turtle which symbolizes “long-life” and this helped me in my cancer battle and desire to beat life-threatening illnesses. On the outer side of my ankle is a phoenix tattoo. This tattoo symbolizes the ability to rise from the ashes to be rebirth and to overcome life’s challenges. This helps me think of my bone marrow transplant as a rebirth to a stronger and healthier body with a new lease on life. I am now considering a third tattoo.

In Japanese culture the cherry blossom symbolizes the brevity of life. You see, this flower only blooms for a short period of time. It encourages everyone to appreciate what little time they have on this Earth and it promotes gratitude for what they are given. As a tattoo, this symbol could remind you that all things pass in time and that bad situations won’t last forever. It can be comforting especially in times of grief or other hardship. It’s definitely something you can look at and cherish forever – no matter how old you get. I am considering this with the inscription along side “This too shall pass.”

The phrase “This too shall pass” is originated from a Jewish folktale involving King Soloman. In short the story illustrates the transitory nature of life events and situations. Sometimes life’s trials and pains seem to be so consuming and overwhelming and it is hard to believe things will get better. Holding onto hope that they will get better and the pain is only temporary brings relief to many. Sometimes things don’t get better and the pain continues to haunt. In this case, “This too shall pass” is a reminder to me that this life is temporary and even if things get worse, there will be an end to the suffering, even if it is through death, which can be a relief to many with unbearable pain. For me, “This too shall pass” gives me hope that if I endure well my pain, with bravery, optimism and strength of character, the struggle will lessen, and I believe I will be a stronger person for enduring.

Life is very very precious. I don’t think anyone would argue that. How much value can you put on a life? It seems lawyers and insurance compainies stake claim on what they feel the value of a life should be. Medical insurance will put a limit on what they’ll pay to help you live. And, if you had the problem once before, they’ll be damned if they pay again, hence the reason I get denied needed medical coverage for “pre-existing conditions.”

I have so much to be grateful for. A wonderful medical treatment team that have provided great care for me. My church, which has been able to help me pay for some medical costs and other important bills during times I’ve been unable to work. Great friends and family members who have been such a needed support in my life. I am indebted for life.

Speaking of debt, I’ll never live long enough to pay it off, but I’m not worried. They can’t take this $3 million dollar body and repossess it! lol. A lot of money has gone into keeping me alive. All I can do, is live each day the best I can and make monthly payments. Life is worth livig, no matter the cost.

SO here I am, alive another year, when past prognosises said it would be unlikely. I just celebrated another birthday, and since life is so precious, I have added it as another goal, to live to my next birthday on May 30th, 2010.

And I will do ALL I can to make sure it happens!!!