cantstopneedhelp

6 fucking months. i was doing so good. im so stupid. i cant take it anymore.

its been a while. like…almost…6 months. i tell everyone its been 9, but i cracked up, i dont want them to know though. cause i dont want people thinking im crazy again, i just got them to stop thinking that. even on my happy days i think about it. i dont understand it, but i have learned to live with the thoughts, cause i know that they wont ever go away. i miss it, i miss it soo bad, but i wont let myself do it. now that its cold again i dont know what i am going to do to not cut, cause i have a way of hiding it again. fuckk i am going insane with all these damned thoughts in my head. yeah, i learned to live with them, but i am still learning how to not act on them. idk.

7 friggin months. and i have thought about it every day. my life fuckin just spiraled down. i dont know why though….i think it is because its almost my birthday and my twin brother wont be here for it. he lives in cali with my dad (who is a complete ass to me) my dad treats me like im an outcast. he knows i used to cut, he told me that he doesnt understand why someone would want to do that. and he acts like is just something to do. he doesnt know that its MY way to feel things. i was doing so good. then i caught myself with a razor a couple days ago. i hate this dudes. as soon as i set this goal to finished i start thinking about it every day again.