caroline_bingley

Okay, it’s hard for me to sleep. It always has been on this. But it’s been so long I forgot. I read that ” it’s normal to feel hungry late at night due to habitually eating late”. Late night eating only started for me in the last month. I would eat a bowl of cereal with water. I don’t know why. But I cant’ tell if going to bed without solid food has been especially hard for me this time, or if it’s just par for the course. Any way, I am having a hard time sleeping through the night because of this.
Any thoughts?

I am really trying to understand when i can be less judgmental. I am open and kind in some groups (especially places where I volunteer). But then my close friends and family I must be different. I was told by a couple of my old friends that a few years ago I was open and friendly- but that now i come off as kind of angry. Today i commented how the New Yorker was pedantic compared the NYRB, and an old friend responded “You used to be really positive about stuff. Now i just think you are kind of snide. You are trying to make me do something else by making me feel bad about my choices.” He was right! i don’t know why I am so judgmental with some people who are close to me and completely cool with everyone else. Familiarity breeds contempt? Am I just super insecure? My parents were like this. i am afraid i will just be a mean person when I get too close to someone. How can you change from being harshly critical to someone that has a sense of politeness. how to erase the harshness towards others with out becoming some sort of non thinking zombie? It’s a tough line who is someone analytic.

I have been painting when i can, as a way out of grief. SO for the moment,i paint more emotionally. But i would like to be serious about it. I want to be able to force myself to do it and find the time to do it. when i finish my graduate thesis. i hope to make show.

i was doing a cleanse, and i just didn’t have the energy. but now i do!