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Resolve My Existential Crisis and Elect to Live
Highlights of My Existential Crisis

Emancipation Day

A Professional tortured soul
Fighting every day to endure
Clever at running from agony
Midas Touch Sewage Engineer
Turning negative garbage into gold

I believe it was a big conspiracy
My house of many cards collapsed
Every one of them fell straight down
And I found myself stuck in the pit
Alone with no escape to be found

Stubborn-willed, self-sufficient atheist
Would I call on Him to save me
From the place that knows no Joy?
The longer I stay the deader I become
No alarm clock loud enough to wake me.

How can it be only two months in here
Already no dreams left that matter
Stay any longer my mind might shatter
This is a conspiracy. A set-up I tell you!
What the heck. It’s worth a try.

Begrudgingly acknowledge I have a soul
Agree the body can not live without Joy
Call upon the Blessed name of the Lord
To get me out of this dark unholy place
Deliverance, Pure Joy, and Bliss!

Bliss causes the Kundalini Genie to awaken

So you believe! Then prove your Loyalty!
As I got down on my knees in submission
I took the knife and sliced open my own chest
Diced up my lying heart and offered it up
Layer by Layer. Piece by Piece.

Hey, it wasn’t easy for a Midas Touch Sewage Engineer
to surrender all the angst to the Genie of Kundalini!
Tortured Soul. Freed Soul. Emancipation Day!
Stormy skies turned into Sunshine and Rainbows
Burned to ashes but an opportunity for happiness.
How does one live without angst?

Hark The Herald Sings:

Have you gotten the call?
Have you picked up the phone?
Not the one on the wall
In your heart all alone?

“It’s a conspiracy!” I said
From the Pit of Despair
“All Joy lines cut dead!”
But I found my soul there

And He lowered the stairs
So I could climb out
To show that He cares
It was just a “Time-Out”

My Kundalini is awake
And the world is changing
It is not a mistake
Priorities are re-arranging

I’ve been freed from myself
It is the Ego that dies
I’ll toss it on the shelf
It was so full of lies

Now, I can smile and see
Paradise below the dark
What was really meant to be
Was here all along. Hark!

Transition

A Psychotic break
Is not a mistake
It’s an Emergency call
For the ego to fall
A spiritually sent
Healing event

As if to say:

Don’t just survive
Now, you can thrive
Silence the voices
You are your choices
Get rid of fear
And live my dear!

Duped

My ego is a dupee and a duper
And its joke has been on me
I played my part just super
And I even paid a fee

I can see it so clearly now
I purchased many lies
Built identity on them Wow
They gave me lows and highs

Running toward or running from
Such agony it would cause
Looking for something to numb
The pain to put on pause

It might sound a bit insane
Or extremely paranoid too
But I will not trust a brain
That doesn’t know what’s true

I spent my first life running
Running from the pain
I’ll spend my next life fighting
Fighting to be sane

What would the world be like
If each one did their part
Told the ego “Take a hike”
And listened to the heart

Dark Night of a Soul: The Void

What place is this?
The darkest black hole
The blackest dark abyss
The nothing and my soul

I wake up with a gasp
A terror-stricken heart
And a frantic grasp
Did I die and depart?

How long was I there?
Umpteen years I perceive
Like a million I swear
But my senses deceive

The alarm clock beckons
I can’t believe my eyes
Gone for thirty seconds
Nothing but lies, lies, lies!

My stomach is furious
Raging to be heard
I’m no longer curious
My vision is blurred

Disoriented and humble
With feelings of dread
I’m ready to crumble
Have I lost my head?

Cognitive Consonance

In this solitude You gave me
It feels so strange, unreal and odd
How can I really be worry-free
If I don’t know who I am God

I lost myself to find myself
And I haven’t got a clue
My ego sits on top the shelf
I’m waiting to hear from You

I’ve got this funny feeling though
It’s not a mystery to be solved
And the answer I should know
Because the conflict was resolved

It appears the torment I endured
Was a self-created condition
And now that I have been cured
I’ll choose to break tradition

I won’t define the who of me
And will leave it in the air
Without a me by which to flee
I’ll fly up high and dare



experience ego death
What I wrote during my recent ego death experience

The Void
What place is this?
The blackest hole
The darkest abyss
The void and a soul

A feeling of terror
Disorientation too
What is in there?
The Nothing and you

Duped
My ego is a dupee and a duper
And its joke has been on me
I played my part just super
And I even paid a fee

I see it so clearly now
I purchased many lies
Built identity on them wow
They gave me lows and highs

Running toward or running from
Such agony it would cause
Looking for something to numb
The pain to put on pause

It might sound a bit insane
Or extremely paranoid too
But I will not trust a brain
That doesn’t know what’s true

I spent my first life running
Running from my pain
I’ll spend my next life fighting
Fighting to be sane

What would the world be like
If each one did their part
Told the ego “Take a hike”
And listened to the heart

Transition
A Psychotic break
Is not a mistake
It’s an Emergency call
For the ego to fall
A spiritually sent
Healing event

As if to say:

Don’t just survive
Now, you can thrive
Silence the voices
You are your choices
Get rid of fear
And live my dear!

Solitude
In this solitude You gave me
It feels so strange, unreal and odd
How can I really be worry-free
If I don’t know who I am God

I lost myself to find myself
And I haven’t got a clue
My ego sits on top the shelf
I’m waiting to hear from You

I’ve got this funny feeling though
It’s not a mystery to be solved
And the answer I should know
Because the conflict was resolved

It appears the torment I endured
Was a self-created condition
And now that I have been cured
I’ll choose to break tradition

I won’t define the who of me
And will leave it in the air
Without a me by which to flee
I’ll fly up high and dare

Spiritual Experience
“Go to Hell!” I smiled with a grin
I’ve been there already because of my sin
I envied myself to the Pit of Despair
And found all the Joy missing from there

Lucky for me I didn’t stay long
It wasn’t my fault my belief was all wrong
He gave me a choice; He gave me free will
I accepted His presence or I would be there still

The second I did the dark became light
He showed me the heavens; What a beautiful sight!
He showed me the place that I couldn’t conceive
“Pure Joy” to experience so that you can believe

When he brought me back to earthly ground
My heart was lost but now is found!
No words can describe this journey I took
You can rest assured I’ll be reading The Book!

Emancipation Day!
A Professional tortured soul
Fighting every day to endure
Clever at running from agony
Midas Touch Sewage Engineer
Turning negative garbage into gold

I believe it was a big conspiracy
My house of many cards collapsed
Every one of them fell straight down
And I found myself stuck in the pit
Alone with no escape to be found

Stubborn-willed, self-sufficient atheist
Would I call on Him to save me
From the place that knows no Joy?
The longer I stay the deader I become
No alarm clock loud enough to wake me.

How can it be only two months in here
Already no dreams left that matter
Stay any longer my mind might shatter
This is a conspiracy. A set-up I tell you!
What the heck. It’s worth a try.

Begrudgingly acknowledge I have a soul
Agree the body can not live without Joy
Call upon the Blessed name of the Lord
To get me out of this dark unholy place
Deliverance, Pure Joy, and Bliss!

Bliss causes the Kundalini Genie to awaken

So you believe! Then prove your Loyalty!
As I got down on my knees in submission
I took the knife and sliced open my own chest
Diced up my lying heart and offered it up
Layer by Layer. Piece by Piece.

Hey, it wasn’t easy for a Midas Touch Sewage Engineer
to surrender all the angst to the Genie of Kundalini!
Tortured Soul. Freed Soul. Emancipation Day!
Stormy skies turned into Sunshine and Rainbows
Burned to ashes but an opportunity for happiness.

How does one live without angst?

The Abyss and Bliss
I quit puffing for the moody dragon that lives inside of me
I fed him what he wanted: “Pure Joy” and set the dragon free
He breathed fire everywhere and wrecked havoc with my mind
I’m so much better when the dragon is locked up and confined

While he was loose he prophesied the world’s destruction
And gave hope a Saviour; My that’s quite a seduction
I wonder if the authors of the Bible suffered from this
Joy and Despair; the perpetual fight between the abyss and bliss

The melancholy is back now that I smoked my two packs
It’s much more comfortable here so maybe I can relax
I won’t be feeding him positive feelings for quite some time
It’s funny that negative feelings can make me feel sublime

Ouroboros
The story has been told from ancient times
Christ was sacrificed for all our crimes
He’s the Dragon Slayer that bridges the gap
Between the abyss of this and the bliss of that

Ouroboros has a beginning as well as an end
If you arrive in Hell on the Dragon Tail’s End
Believe and surrender all the angst to Him
It takes humility and repentance to start again




 

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