cath7

I think I’m almost there.. Maybe I allready are.. But beliving and knowing are two completely different things. I know that I’m angry, but I’m only beliving that I have moved on. So far, the two verbs have to shift places before I can declare my self for “over him”. An old advisor told me, that the best way to get over someone, is to get under another. If you ignore the sexual allusion, it might be true. But it’s against all my principles, because can you call it anything else, than a abusement of someone’s feelings? I feel that the answer might be yes. Or am I just trying to justify my own feelings? Is that the reason behind this weird madness of changing mind? The wish to simply move on?
My heart has wings, my stomach is full of butterflies, my face a constant smile. Am I fooling myself, or am i really in love? With him, Anders.. If not, then why am I smiling while writing this? Or looking at a picture of him?

I need to have a hope for something. To believe in something really great is going to happen, that something new and exiting soon will come into my life. But I can’t see it right now. Want to get out and meeet new people, men, but everytime there is a chance, I lock my self up and doesn’t let them in. I have no idea why. I counteract what I really want and it sucks. All I want is to gain a hope. Like when you have a fling which might turn into something more. Or to look forward to a new study. But all I can look forward to is the same hard school day after another. Getting up at six, coming home at 4, making homework from 6-10 every evening. It just sucks. I want to belive that there is more to life than this! I want to achive the hope that life is more than this.

I’m in an ethical dilemma. My best friend just broke up with her boyfriend, called T, through 1 year, and it was an extremly hard progres for her. Even though she knew that he often treated her badly, she couldn’t let go. Finally she did, and this friday they met and talked it through and now they have split up in a good way. (at first it was really nasty and he was kind of stalking her). Finally she has peace and just want to move on and be happy. She believes that it was love, but that it just flew away.
Yesterday one of my friends who works with both my best friend and T, told me, that she is pretty sure, T was cheating on my best friend during a vacation 3 months ago… It is only something she has heard from some of her colleagus, but she is pretty sure it’s true. I feel like I should tell her because she deserves the truth, on the other hand I know that this will destroy her completely. Finally she is happy and I just can’t bear to destroy her happiness. But I also know, that I would have liked to know. Should I tell her?