cbrobkabob

You know, I feel very fortunate now, that I am still single. Walking in line with Christ, has (as usual) revealed some things to me.
I was unaware that I was emotionally manipulative with people I dated. But I was, because that is how I communicate. I would try to change behaviors of men with my dissatisfaction/satisfaction of their behavior.
Quite frankly, I wasn’t aware I was doing that. I was just acting as I would in a friendship with women. Men communicate differently and my messages weren’t what I really wanted to say.
I would also obsess over them. “Am I pleasing them? Do they still like me? Do they find me attractive? What can I do to show them how much they mean to me, but not be clingy or needy?” The truth was, even though I logically tried to avoid being needy, I was needy. Frankly, I wouldn’t have put up with me either.
Truth is, if I had married at a previous junction in life, I would have been a miserable partner and had a difficult marriage. I have prayed about marriage my whole life, and God is just faithfully answering me. He has brought me to a point where I am now teachable. God wants me to have a healthy happy holy marriage. I pray for that. His timing is perfect.
I feel like I am being prepared to have a Godly marriage. I really needed (need) to learn how to put God first -not just in words and arguments, but in reality. Everyday reality and everyday decisions….How to pray over the ones you love in line with Gods will, which is written for us in scripture is a valuable skill which needs to be learned.
I no longer feel as if anything is missing. Now I am patiently waiting to be ready. I want to change. I want Jesus.

“I pray because I know you will answer me oh lord, Bend down and listen”
Psalm 17:6

For the last 3 or 4 month I have been fairly consistant with reading scripture.
It has been a discipline and an exercise of faith because it really isn’t something I have ever really loved to do. I never seem to have that “GOD IS TALKING” experience when I read. However, I have really been more aware of the promptings of the holy spirit and scripture will resurface in my head when I think on certain situations, people, etc.
So what I am saying, very inadequately, is that God is faithful. His instructions are for our good, and I love that he is allowing me to walk with Him.

Being led to this intercessory prayer has been so rewarding. Not only has this series been teaching me so many things about myself; bringing my past behavior to light, and showing me how to put God first in relationships- but there is another soul being affected.
Even though I don’t communicate with the person I’ve been praying for, I am aware that God is moving in their life. I expect God to move in his life.
It is truly fantastic how God will allow us to be part of his perfect plan. Obeying Christ is really accepting a blessing. I am so dirty and I get to be used by a Holy God. THAT IS AWSOME to me.