Chris

I still do this, although I am trying not to be scared of answering the phone.

I’ve an idea that by the very prospect of having to deal with talking to me, I’m putting the other party at a disadvantage, and this helps a snowball effect occur; the less I can express thoughts or ideas over the telephone, the less capable I become.

Lack of confidence begets more.

Maybe if I try and reverse the roles - try to feel – not more superior but rather less inferior - I could express myself more confidently on the phone.

At the moment I can’t concentrate on what I’d like to say because I’m so engrossed in not being able to communicate efficiently (for whatever reason).

Maybe it’s a fear of not being able to say all I need to say before the other party interjects, or that I may forget what I have to say. It’ll have to do for another entry for another day.

So, my mood log has only been updated with my moods that venture as less than 6ish.

That is, about normal to depressed. (We’ll suppose ‘depressed’ includes the lesser items in the scale such as 4 – slightly down/blue)

So it seems I only have the motivation to update it when I’m not feeling too great. Perhaps the log itself was a bad idea, as I’ll only update it when I’m feeling down – circularly, if that is in fact a word and indeed the right one, the log may actually be calling too much attention to the ‘depression’ as it is.

Depression is in quotes there because I’m hardly clinically depressed – just feeling a bit ‘under the weather’, I suppose (to use the highly British phrase).

On the upside, the fact that I’ve only entered my spikes in and out of sadness and normality is a good sign if I’ve not added an entry for a good week or so now.

Surely, that means I’m feeling better, for longer. The very fact that I’m not even sure whether I have been or not is probably a sure-fire sign that I’ve been feeling nothing short of average at worst.

I may well just have found what I’ve been looking for.

A person with whom I can relate my thoughts.

That’s all I’m going to say. Though that’s pretty awesome enough as it is.