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i weigh 120 lbs. my max weight was 138, and my minimum was 115. i would absolutely love to have a flat stomach. people tell me that it really wouldnt make me that happy but im positive it would. i am right now promising myself to go to the gym AT LEAST 3 times a week starting spring semester. i will not eat fast food (except for maybe like once every 2 months) i will eat as little as i can possibly manage.. which isnt saying much because i really just love food.. but i will do it. i will.

this is really hard to explain. this entry may not be coherent. i used to feel like i was different, and it was a self fulfilling prophecy. the more i felt different, the more i acted different, the more i was alienated from other people, the more i became a huge bitch because i looked down on people i thought were conformists and shit, the more MISERABLE I BECAME. im not condoning conformity, im just saying that going out of my way to PROVE that i was different sucked. plus, i used to dress mad weird and then i’d see a hot preppy guy and would totally not be able to run game on him. (this is pretty shallow but true) being YOURSELF is the best way to be. there is no need to go out of your way to be different. if you ARE just naturally really weird then have at too.

in conclusion.. i mean. you do you. but for me, this is what has made me the happiest.

i think way too much.
consequences:
i feel really alone and flawed
i am really really really NOT productive
i am depressed
i am excessively hard on myself