cephaskim

I just realized something that I’ve always kind of known. My goal of living a holy life for God doesn’t just mean living a life without sin, but living a life that seeks to please God by obeying the Bible.

Thus a holy life isn’t just a life without sin but the life of a worshipper who is always spiritually awake and being used for the work of God.

Meaning that my end goal shouldn’t be to stop masturbating, but to always worship God instead… “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

My new record stands at 9 days. I gave in on the 10th day, but I know I could have continued had I really wanted to. So I believe it comes down to this question: just how desperately do I want to live a holy life? I noticed that I wasn’t praying or reading the Bible much during those 9 days… My mind was so occupied with lustful thoughts and the need to fight the urge that I neglected my walk with Christ. I also realized my breaking point as well. I was most severely tempted around the 4th day. But after that, it was easier to fight the temptation.

I now understand that it is when I make a firm decision to live a holy life that I realize just how weak I am. And it is when I realize my own weakness that I understand how much I need God and rely upon His strength. I’m also beginning to realize just how much progress God has been working in my life since my decision to live a holy life for God. When looking at the overall amount of time spent on lust related thoughts and activities, things have definitely improved and that’s a fact. Thank God for that. I’m starting to realize that this is not an insurmountable wall but a slavery from which I can become free with God’s help and my willingness to follow God.

So today is day 1 for me again. Lord, I offer my life to you.

Everyday is a tough battle. I keep fighting the urge and denying myself the temporary pleasure of giving in to sin’s slavery. I should be seeking after God who is my fortress, but I keep being drawn to wasting time on the internet by myself. Which is where I am most tempted and vulnerable. I realize now that starving my eyes and my mind from lust and being filled with the Holy Spirit is the key. Self control is one of the fruits of the Spirit. Lord reign in me!