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chan11

is going to be a doctor...maybe



I'm doing 16 things
  
Recent entries
quit drinking (read all 42 entries…)
a prayer...or whatever 15 hours ago

Dear god, please help me find something better to do than drink.

I’ve just been saying this to myself a lot, thought it might help others too.

2 cheers | 1 comment

quit drinking (read all 42 entries…)
a decision 4 days ago

you know, I keep waiting for some giant wave of inspiration to come and sweep me away from alcohol for good. I’d be all: you know what? this drinking is just not for me! and I’m so sick of all the negative things it’s bringing into my life and even though things aren’t all that awful, well, I’m just tired of fighting with this thing, when I could just get rid of it! and it’s gonna be hard but man, bring it on! I am so ready and this is my life and I don’t want to do this anymore!

but this has not happened. and yeah, I want to quit drinking but like, next week, and after my friend’s birthday and just as soon as I get rid of some of this anxiety; after two drinks, I’ll quit. or, maybe I won’t I mean, things aren’t that terrible, right? and if I can keep the struggle on the down low from my friends, then why can’t I just pretend like it’s no big deal, drinking that is?

so, I was seeing my counselor the other day and talking about this and she told me something I didn’t want to hear: it’s a decision. not as in, alcoholism is something you can get over, but like, I’m going to have to keep making this decision, and keep reminding myself, and just stay on task if I ever want to find out what it’s like to not have these cravings, this need.

so I am going to make this decision, for myself. I’m going to decide not to drink even when it sounds awesome, or when it just seems necessary. I am going to make a decision not to drink when everybody else is drinking, or just because it’s there.
just for a month. just to see. if I can decide.

2 cheers | 4 comments

go to college (read all 11 entries…)
got an A 1 week ago

in my first class at my new college…and it was the first class I’ve taken I would consider difficult. woot. good job. second summer course started today…busy, busy, busy.

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I want to:

The world wants to...

Be honest no matter what see the aurora borealis lose 50 lbs in 2 months watch the sun set with someone I love watch all movies on AFI's 100 Best movies list summer_in_europe wants to study law draw a comic book Find peace. Visit Tokyo see The Mars Volta live finish my thesis live in America quaskye wants to set up FLYlady routines get Hannah Montanas phone number!!! watch Sailor Moon episodes have a daughter run a marathon Play the piano more dance more watch Inuyasha episodes Appear in a movie HAVE A REAL RELATIONSHIP enjoy life be more tolerant of stupid, annoying people stop feeling guilty about EVERYthing learn to trust figure out who I am