charmarba

... i’m leaving … FOR GOOD!

i got really intimate with a teacher friend of mine after i graduated and he was no longer my teacher. he was young, handsome, and a very kind person. it was really fun at the time because i had developed a close relationship/friendship with him and i honestly felt that i loved him. it was my dream come true… and i never thought it would actually happen until it did. there was a real connection there and i don’t know if he loved me too, but i like to think he did. but either way, he was too afraid of sacrificing his reputation for me. he ended up breaking my heart by dating another girl and marrying her a couple months after he ended things with me. they moved very quickly with the whole thing. and the worst part… he was still in contact with me. we talked on the phone almost everyday and he never had the guts to tell me they were getting married, even though he knew that i considered him a best friend.

i had invested a lot of my heart into him and it was a dream i was ready to give up, but then he came along and gave me hope. then he crushed me again. it was the deepest pain i’ve ever felt… and i still feel it from time to time, even though these things happened a long time ago.

for a lot of you, it seems like a fun little fantasy, but for me it was real… and it wasn’t real in the sense that it really happened, but that it was real just like falling in love with anybody else. only with him it felt 100 times more shitty when it ended, because i knew that most or all of the reason it couldn’t last was the circumstances under which we met.

so don’t get your hearts tangled in a mess like this, girls. i’m not saying that i regret it, but it’s a hard fall to recover from.

i did this before and i was not a certified teacher. there are schools out there that desperately need help and they will hire uncertified teachers as long as they come through an organization that they trust.

and i don’t think it matters for you to be absolutely sure as to why you are going to teach in the mission field. if you feel like God is calling you, then you go! you don’t ask questions question if you should really do it or not. the only thing you need to ask yourself is “do i feel that God is calling me?” if so, then you should go… even if you are not sure how prepared you are spiritually. God will work that out in you. sometimes, people actually end up finding a truer, more clear picture of who God is while they are in the mission field. sometimes, they find exactly what they expected. but regardless, it is always a life-changing experience. and if you are there for the right reasons, you will always reach someone for Jesus.