cherryred

After a thousand and one problems, it finally happened. I mived in on the 16th of June (broadband access took a while later, heh heh).

So here I am. I have a great house, a huge beautiful garden which needs work but is coming along, fantastic friendly neighbors, and my dogs love the place. I am very content.

After all the heartache preceeding the decision to move and the problems thereafter (which would fill a whole blog by themselves) it has defintely been worth it !

to Lou’s grave yesterday. It was most terribly sad. I hadn’t been since the funeral because it is many miles from where I live and I don’t drive.
Her family chose not to have a marker or a stone – there’s just a wooden post with a metal plate that says “plot 13” on it. And some obviously newish sections of turf. There was a bowl of half dead hyacinths, a dead cyclamen plant and nowt else. It looked like nobody comes.
How did my bestest baby girlfriend come to this ? :((

It’s a done deal.
This happened a while ago but I just didn’t get around to marking it done. There was no moment of recognition or enlightenment – just one day I guess I woke up to the fact that it didn’t hurt anymore, and I don’t regret us splitting up either. I see now how it wouldn’t have worked – he was right, we woulda driven each other bonkers. The more I think of it the more I realise how much of myself I was holding back or tried to change, first of all because I had an instinct that I should (a vibe maybe that came from him or the situation or whatever, without needing to be put into words), and then in time because he didn’t seem to like certain parts of my personality (my love of my dogs, my male friendships, my casual attitude to the decoration of my house, etc.) and was vocal about it. And what’s the point of being with someone if one or the other of you feels that way ?