chillbean

ok, i’m 19 years old. i’m pretty pure: never had sex, never had oral sex. it’s not that i’m against it, i just haven’t found that right person to feel comfortable doing those things. don’t get me wrong, i really wanna do “it” but the person and opportunity hasn’t come yet.
i also haven’t had a “real” relationship.. like seriously dating someone. i’ve “seen” people, hooked up here and there, but never committed myself fully to someone. mainly because i was always scared to.

i feel so ready to have a relationship. i’m at the point where i’m getting impatient, and falling for people so hard that i land up wicked disappointed in the end. almost like setting myself up for failure. i’m not ugly, i’m pretty confident in myself, and i have a lot of love to give.

people tell me that it’ll happen when you least expect it. i’ve been waiting, believe me. i’m not desperate, just impatient. what hurts more is when people, even my friends, ask me “why don’t you have a boyfriend?” or “you’d be so much happier with one.” etc etc.. it’s not like i decide not to have one, but those things they say make it seem like there’s a specific reason WHY i don’t have one yet.

sorry for this rant… i just really want to be loved by someone, to belong to someone.

thoughts would be appreciated. thanks! :)