chyeahamazing

i got a call from my ex who was currently dating a close friend of mine. he want to know if i wanted to chill. i asked him where his girl was and he said they were arguing about something that had happened the night before and i told him that she told me that they had worked it out but he said no i havnt talked to her. i asked him why she would lie about that and was just like idk. so the he started asking me if i liked him still and what not and i said of course but i would never get with you cuz im not about to stab her in the back. he was like well what if she was cool with it and i said shes not the type of person to be cool with it so i cant. he was like well do you want to hang out with me tonight? and i said no i dont think that would be a good idea it would start too much drama. he said how is it gonna cause drama? i just want to hang out with my ex to make her mad…im like you just answered your own question first of all and second of all thank you for admitting that you’re just trying to use me. and he said let me call you back im going to call her. i said ok. 2 min later he calls back and said that he talked to her i said what could you have talked about for 2 min? he said i just told her i wanted to be friends. i said and she was ok with that? he said i guess. well im like that doesnt sound like her. and then he said hey karen? im like hm? he said you’ve just been punked! so i hung up the phone and he kept calling me back and them she starts calling me. im pissed off i mean i can take a joke like anyone else but that wasnt a joke they did that with the intent to hurt me. so i answered when she called and was like what? what could you possibly want? and she said you what the fuck! i though we were suppose to be friends! im like what the fuck are you talking about she said i heard everything you said! im like good so why are you mad then? i didnt do anything! i fucking told him i didnt want to be with him even if i liked him just so i wouldnt hurtyou. and then i hung up. i’ve never had anyone make me feel so low. i never cried so hard. bc i know why they did it. they had to find a way to stop talking to me. but they could have just said they didnt want to talk to me anymore didnt want to be friends anymore and i would of takin it on the chin. but that was just a low blow. i dont understand how anyone could possibly be so mean. i felt stupid, used, and i guess kind of heartbroken too. that ppl who ment so much to me would want to see me hurt. and would want to make me feel so small. am i wrong? should i have handle the situation differently? obviously she didnt think i was a good enough friend that she had to test my loyalty and friendship like that. but i think i did exactly what i a true friend would have. and given the chance i would have called her right after i talked to him and told her everything that had just went down. but i wasnt given that chance. it was a joke. but they did it just so i would be furious and now they’re making it seem like i talked all this ish about her and everyone else. just to turn everyone against me. but im not arguing. im not letting it break me. im a genuinly nice person and just because they dont appreciate me or my friendship doesnt mean im gonna become cold hearted or anything. i guess what goes around comes around. and i’ll admit i’ve broken hearts. but not with the intent of being malicious. well a true friend just broke mine. but im kinda thinking i deserved it for everything wrong that i’ve ever done. paybacks a bitch. but what doesnt kill me will only make me stronger. man i love saying lol. i live off of them. i doubt anyone took the time out to read this and if they did i have a feeling they’re going to think that i was in the wrong. maybe i just shouldnt have answered the phone. or hung up when he asked if i liked him. my problem is that im not a liar. even if it means i’ll get hurt or in trouble i’ll tell the truth. i dont know how people can do this and not feel bad about it. i couldn’t do it to someone i hated with all of my heart because i would feel terrible. i guess some people just arent like that.

but i’ve been told that im going to die old and alone. im known as the heartbreaker. but why would i stay with someone if i knew it wasn’t going to work out? everyone says its me and im running way and blah blah blah don’t give me that! i think i know myself alot better than that and it’s just that i realize early on in a relationship if it’s going to work out or not…and of course it’s always not lol. so i want to eventually find the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. but i definatly don’t want it to happen now.

but starting 2 weeks ago this is my goal. besides i want to cram as much knowledge in my head as possible so after this book im going to start reading more intellectual ones and not romance fiction lol.