cisco_kid

But hell, who on earth is?

I’ve come a LONG way in the past few years. I feel like my body image had changed radically, for the better.

I used to see myself as if I was looking in a smudged mirror. Only certain features would stand out negatively, and I felt constantly unsure of how I actually appeared to others. My natural reaction was to think the worst and react to it by starving myself.

I can’t say I didn’t look good back then, but the difference is that I haven’t really restricted or suffered a huge amount of anxiety over food in months, if not years, and I know that I STILL look good.

Sure, I could stand to lose a little weight, but I know that few people besides me will notice. I feel like I’m able to make eating decisions as I feel like it, eat the occasional huge meal without feeling guilty, and best of all, see myself as others TRULY see me: skinny. :]

It also feels good to know that I have the self-control and willpower to lose weight if I ever did feel the urgent need. Somehow that knowledge reassures me and makes me feel less bad about myself.

I guess I should take this goal down. My weight is always going to fluctuate, but I feel like I’m finally prepared to deal with that in a healthy and objective way. :]

It makes me feel like I’m completely falling apart, and it’s a horrible sensation.

I can’t say I’ve established a real routine yet, but I feel like I’m on my way. Constantly keeping a notepad with a “to do” list definitely helps. I have, however stuck to certain little routines that have definitely shown results and have made me feel much more stable. :]

Today I’m going to try and print out a big calendar to hang on my wall, on which I can chart and keep track of my routine.

It feels as though this goal is becoming more and more attainable!

I feel as if my eyes have been suddenly opened to how attractive I am. I mean, I always knew I wasn’t ugly, but I never gave myself enough credit. It’s strange, because I feel kind of bewildered, but also totally unsurprised.

I guess I was aware of my potential all along, but I just had to turn the volume down on that little negative voice in the back of my head.

Things that help are surrounding myself with people who care about me and see me as beautiful, and by taking care of myself, inside and out.

I’m not taking this goal down, however, because I still feel like I need to gain a ton of social confidence. I’m still incredibly shy and become tongue-tied around people I don’t know very well.

It’s nice to know I’m on my way though! :D