claudiajane

I told some I love you too, once. My heart was sinking as I was saying it; I knew I was lying and felt absolutely horrible as the words were coming out of my mouth. I knew I was only saying it because I felt it was the polite thing to do. In regards to sincerity it was the emotional equivalent of saying “good, thanks!” when someone asks “how are you doing?”. I think he believed me at the moment. In the end it didn’t matter, things didn’t work out.

Anyways, I have a firm resolve for my next relationship to be with someone whom is capable of and wants to love and care about me as much as I will them. Until God, fate, the universe grants me that person I will be fine being alone, thanks.

I secretly hate coming home because the room I rent is a disaster! It really is the worst/messiest room I’ve ever had in my entire life. Most likely due to the following reasons:

A. I’m lazy- never put away my clothes/papers/books/make up, leave everything in heaps/scattered on every flat surface (bed/desk/ floor/bed)
B. The room is really SMALL! I have a twin size bed on one side, a full size desk on the other side and there isn’t even enough space between them to do the splits. so sad =(

I really want to move into a bigger place but I still need to clean up this place first! Can’t show it if it’s a great big jumble of my belongings.

So TODAY I am CLEANING MY ROOM!
A. Laundry- washing everything (clothes/bed linen/towels) since I don’t know what’s clean and what’s not since everything is in a huge heap on the floor. Putting my fresh clothes/linens in their proper place- my closet!
B. Vacuuming the carpet
C. Dusting my desk/shelves/blinds- yay for lavender scented swifter cloths! If I get really ambitious I may even wipe down my walls…
D. Throwing out all the junk/trash/old stuff
E. Moving my toiletries to their proper homes in the bathroom!
F. Going through all my school work/supplies/etc

I’m off from work today so this is going to get done! I refuse to leave the house before this is complete. I’m already excited to finish this and begin enjoying a super clean/fresh smelling/slightly more spacious room =)

Actually managed to send my mom a card and have it arrive on time! I even wrote an actual message on the inside. Called and chatted a bit. Basically asked for her blessing to go visit home for a week or two. Permission granted! I’ve come to realize that I like talking to my mom/parents in general. We share similar neuroses so they understand why I get strung out about certain things/ruminate over seemingly insignificant nothings for half an hour. I’m also becoming less afraid to call them and ask for help. I always felt that I had to do everything on my own or else I would be a huge failure and cause them undue stress, disappointment. Not true. On a side note, I’m beginning to believe there’s an inverse correlation between the frequency of my calls home and parental lectures; interesting.