cloudforsale

I started the preliminary sketches last night…finally.

This is a dog that I had for almost my whole life. We got him when I was a child. Growing up, I learned that he would be the only stable being in my life. I learned how shitty people could be, and how loyal and unconditional dogs can be. He has been dead for over two years now and I am still grieving. There was no closure in his death like I had always planned. I thought I would be with him on his death bed, and maybe I could feed him all the foods he could never have before. Kind of like a last meal. Then I would have him cremated or buried in a pet cemetary so that I would always be able to visit his grave, no matter where I moved. What ended up happening was quite different than I had planned. When I turned 21, I moved out of my father’s home. I wanted to take Romeo because he was my dog, I was the one he loved…but old dogs don’t do well in new surroundings. So I left him. Three months later, I received a call from my father. Romeo was dead. His liver had failed, and my father put him down without telling me. I didn’t even know he had gotten sick. This was the first death I have ever dealt with, so naturally I didn’t handle it well. I hung up on my father and we haven’t spoken about it since. I haven’t even been able to ask him where he buried my dog. I know my father delayed telling me because he didn’t want to hurt me…but the method he chose has left me with this horrible guilt and no closure. It sounds silly, but I feel responsible for his death…it’s like he just withered away when I moved. He might’ve felt like he didn’t have anyone there to love him. I personally don’t believe that animals are JUST animals. And that they don’t feel or have souls. I wonder if he thought about me before they put him down. It is one of my life goals to find out where he is buried.

How do I even start to do this? I wish I knew the steps to take…or maybe I’m over complicating things again.