cloudyjuicebox

I haven’t had that great of luck at the whole love thing, or even the dating thing. See there was this guy, we’ll call him ben. Now ben liked me alot and I liked him a little (not alot because I had just met him and hadn’t spent that much time with him, but the times we did, were really heart felt). I wasn’t going to let myself get too attached to this guy because he was going to move away in the first week of june last year, and long distance relationships don’t really last in my case. So I played it up that I wasn’t at a good place to have a relationship, and he left in the first week in june. I started going out with this other guy, we’ll call him Brian, about 5 days later. brian didn’t love me, and I didn’t love him. We had fun, thats all. Brian left me by the first week in August, 2 days before my college graduation. I have been alone ever since. Ben and I have been e-mailing this whole time, not to mention he is best friends with my best friend, long story short, we have kept in touch. He and I were on the phone about a week ago, when he made a coment around the lines of “when I move back could we go out”. and in my head I am doing a little dance. but tonight he said that he just ment that as something that could happen somewhere way down the line, blah blah blah. and the dance stopped cold.
I don’t like being led on and disapointement really ruins my self esteem. I dont know what to do. ben is my friend, and I know I can picture it as more, but I don’t know if I can wait for him. Its not like there is anyone else in line though; at least not for a meaningful relationship.

I am working on this. I started a novel when I was 16 and have been writing it on and off ever sence. It is the missing instalment in the Peter Pan stories (the one between Return to Neverland and Hook). Its comming along but my modivation comes in small installments.