codename46n2

Two weeks ago I went to my very fist of the Iraqi war protests. I was a bit nervous becuase it was the wednesday after memorial day weekend in a conservative town and a conservative state but in the end we had an overwhelming amount of positive back-up from people not protesting.

To be exact there were only two instances I can remember that someone actually did anything remoted offensive becuase of our presence at all. One of which had been some backwards fuck screaming from his truck that “All you damned hippies are going to hell”. I found That particular statement exceptionally ironic….I mean I may not be a christian however, I am familiar enough with the religion to know “Thou shalt kill” means just that….

Anyway, I’m rambling. My point is, that I FINALLY made a point to walk down and support my beliefs with more than just words and it felt great. I can’t wait until next wednesday so that I can do it again.

Well, I more or less stopped doing ANY of these goals for the last week or two when I started a new part-time job in the food industry. Needless to say this goal has been one of the many hat I have forgotten about and being that I get free soda at work I have actually started drinking more.

In the last week of drinking whatever pop I wanted (and not exercising) I have gained about five punds and my picture perfect mid-section is starting to get that bottom heavy post children curve….it’s not terrible but it’s enough to make me realize how much I’d rather just have water at work and at home.

So, I have not had a soda today and I plan to not have one by the time I go to bed tonight.

I look great and (for the most part) I love my body but I have NEVER owned a swimsuit that I truly loved. I’ve always been stuck with Flower print bikini’s or just plain black. So, this year I want to find the perfect suit something that’s fun and sexy and really makes me want to go swim.

I called the GED Testing center two days ago and scheduled my last GED test. I will be taking it next friday at 9 in the morning. I also talked to a freind about taking me down. It’s been 4 years now that people (myself included) have been bitching at me to get this all done and taken care of. It’s going to feel so good to walk out of the building on friday knowing that I FINALLY have this accomplished.

I didn’t drink any soda yesterday. however, I also didn’t work. So, it’s really not that big of an accomplishment considering that the only beverages in my house are iced chai, milk and water but, hey I did turn down orange soda while playing frisbee golf…So, that’s something.

I forgot to do my crunches yesterday…or rather I procrastinated until I went to bed. Either way I did not do them as I should have. So, I’m sitting down to do 300 right now and afterwards I will going back to day one of 21.

I need to quite smoking cigarettes before I cut myself off from ALL vice at once…it’s impossible for me to just wake up and all at once stop smoking pot, cigarettes, and drinking. So, with any luck in another 20 days when I’m done with my non-smoking goal I will be back to this.

As you may have guessed I failed last night (at pratically everything I wasn’t suppossed to do). So, I’ll just have to try harder this time. I told my boyfriend that I REALLY want to quit smoking. He said he’d help me by not giving me any cigarettes. Since, I don’t have any money until my next paycheck that should be fairly helpful. So, I guess my major goal of the day is to not bum any smokes off of anyone and try to just get through today. 21 days…one day at a time.

May today be better than yesterday.
Jet

I called my boss last night and requested Wednesday night off so I can go to the protest. I also talked Aaron into forcing me to walk him to work so I’ll already be downtown that night. So, maybe this week I’ll actually go.

WEll, I got high last night…not very high…but bit (enough that I wasn’t sober. This whole thing is alot harder than I thought. It might be easier if here was something to do in the midwest…but there’s not and I can’t jus go hang out with people becase all he people I know smoke. Does anyone have ANY suggestions on how I could posibly occupy my time wihout drinking, smoking pot or spending money? I feel kind of pathetic asking but I really can’t think of anything else to do.

I had absolutely no pop today. Go me…

Four generations ago my father’s family moved to the US with hopes of prosperity and forward movement… It’s ironic how it all works out in the end because all these years later I want more than anything to go back home or at the very least SEE what home is. I don’t feel comfortable here. Bush is making this country go to shit and I want to be gone before it all come crumbling down. Now that some stability in peace between the Catholics and protestants has (seemingly) been found I am willing to pursue my dream of returning. However, this is a long term goal with lots of planning and work involved and it will not be easy but everyone dreams.

The Nebraska Coalition for Peace holds a vigil to protest the war from 5 to 6 every Wednesday night and given my views on the war itself I feel it is my responsibillity to go. After all I don’t want to be one of the people that bitches about where this country is going but never does anything to help. I have meant to go for the last three weeks now but I always seem to find a way to blow it off. So, next week instead of sitting at home not doing anything I’m going to force myself to walk down and join in. I think after I go the first time I’ll enjoy it enough that it will become a regular wednesday night routine.

1. Read a book
2. Download music
3. Call a friend just to say “hi”
4. Take a shower
5. Do 30 crunches
6. Sing
7. chase down the ice cream man
8. journal
9. Prep food for dinner
10. Go on a walk
11. Venture onto the roof to watch the bats at night.
12. Go Swimming
13. update 43 things
14. Pamper Aaron
15. Practice scales on the keyboard
16. Pluck my eyebrows
17. Take a nap
18. Visit my nieghbors
19. Make a list
20. Read verses in the Dhammapadda
21. Stretch
22. Sudoko
23. Read the newspaper
24. Voluneer at the theatre
25. Make Protest signs

I’ll be the first to admit it…I smoke entirely too much marijuana. It seems to be the only thing I do for entertainment at all…except getting drunk (another problem). So, I’m going to make myself quit for these 14 days to see how much clearer everything is when I’m not perpetually veiwing my life through a haze of white smoke and alchohol. who knows…maybe, if I can make it all the way through two weeks I’ll stop doing one or the other or both…maybe not, but you never know.

Woohoo!!! 150 crunches down. I did about 60 normal sit-ups, 10 reverse crunces, 20 bicycles, 10 Sit-ups with 5 secound pauses both on the up and down motion, 10 V Stance pilates leg lifts, and 10 crunches with 10 count holds. My abs kinda hurts. I can definately tell that I’m no longer in the best of shape. Hopefully, after my 21 days of 150 is over I will be able to move up to 200 at a time without a problem.

Something’s we do in this life will never make any sense. Smoking, is one of those things for me. There are so many other things I would rather be spending my five dollars on (like a mid-day movie, a sandwich, organic fruit, rented video games, books, fabric, and so on). Do I really need to pay for my eventual death? I don’t think so.. What’s even worse is I don’t even enjoy smoking. Cigaettes don’t taste good or smell good and they don’t even get me high. It’s just something comfortable to have in my hand. It all just seems so pointless.

Wish me luck.
Jet