constant_static

i’m glad i finally hit a weight that my body is happy at. for the longest time i was stuck at 110 pounds, eating whatever i wanted whenever. now i’ve been at 105 eating whatever i want so im pretty damn satisfied. it takes so long for me to lose pounds since i’m always sick which makes it hard for me to find time or energy to exercise. dance practice twice a week helps a lot too. ive gotten a lot of compliments from people at school and my mom’s friends about it so i’m happy about that. my mom is the only person that wont get off always worrying about how thin i am. but i dont see me really thin. even though i enjoy how i look now, the weight im at is never good enough. i’m definately not as weight obsessed as i was a few months ago but i still want to lose more. its an addiction.

i have limited internet access now so it’s pretty hard for me to reach out to anyone [or get anyone to reach out to me] on this site these days. but when i get the chance, i do update. it seems my depression has gotten better. i havn’t cut in…well- i dont remember [a long time]. so i guess thats a good thing. but my depression is on and off like crazy. i’m trying so hard to get away from all of it but its seems like everytime i’m away from it all, it grabs me when i least expect it. in all of this my weight changes like crazy. within a few days i’ll go from 106-110 and then back down to 105 in no time at all. so, as you can imagine, i have my bad ugly mirror days, then just the plain old bad days. but for now, just some advice to those girls who are really desperate to lose weight…please stop trying to make yourself throw up. and fasting is one thing can make you lose [water weight….and a little more] but it wont last long. fasting isn’t as effective as counting calories and working out. dont starve your bodies… just practice controlling your cravings for all the icky foods high in calories. i know how hard that is. it took me a whole month just to control my own cravings. that’s a whole 31 days of me failing…one day after another…binge…1000cals+ a day. i didnt think i’d ever control myself. but now i do. i eat-when I want to. and i dont eat when i dont want to. when i do, i dont feel bad. i just go out and excercise. just, stop starving yourselves. i know the site says be anorexic…something we all think we want when we make our first visit, but truly, its just to lose weight—>which calls for DIETING. wanting to be diagnosed with anorexia is asking for your hair to fall out, and asking for your body to shut down, asking to be hospitalized. just really think about what you really want.
hmm…
ok…done with my rant. ;) i just care, is all.
xo

even though its been a while since i posted that i got down to 110lbs…i havnt lost a lot of weight since. i’m 107lbs now…only 3 away from my second goal. the 3 lbs i did lose isnt much but i think thats good for being on a week of thanksgiving break. i didnt binge once. =) i dont even have food cravings anymore. i dont eat all day basically because i’m never hungry. but i do eat sometimes at dinner, but just something small because it’s all i really have room in my stomach for. i wish i could give you all some tips on not binging and all that, but i really wouldnt know what to tell you. i suffer from depression so i most always lose my apetite. its not really something you’d want to get into. but i do wish lots of luck to all of you.
xo